(Ruby Singh shares the story of a couple who grew from friends to being in love but then his former love came back into his life.)
I’m a sucker for love and a downright hopeless romantic. I’ve had two not-so-successful relationships in my life and I thought I was done with love and all its drama. Until one fine day a random phone call connected me to my old love interest. Years back I had strong feelings for him and he wasn’t sure in his head, so we both went our ways. After years when we faced each other, the long buried sac of emotions exploded. I was just out of a relationship and I was vulnerable. He was struggling in his love life as well. Things fitted like never before and we started talking.
Because of my previous relationship fiascos, I had lost almost all my friends. You know what happens to the poor mutual friends; in my case they all decided to side with the guy. So when he walked into my life he came as a redemption of all my losses. In no time he became my best friend and we both felt that it was special, and not in a romantic way. We talked for hours, laughed like there was no tomorrow and discussed every problem in each other’s life. He even talked about how much he loved his girl and wanted things to work out. I used to give him my two cents every now and then.
Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and we both didn’t realise when we fell in love with each other.
We also met a couple of times, went for movies, ate, drank and danced together. In no time I forgot that he had another world as well.
He loved me, there is no doubt about that, but I wanted more. More in terms of social acceptance, commitment and exclusivity.
I didn’t want to be a name in his secret diary, I wanted the world to know how much we both love each other.
For a very long time we didn’t talk about any other thing but just us.
Related reading: Why my wife’s suitor was my best man at our wedding
I wasn’t a novice in the relationship ocean and surely I was smitten. Very often sense prevailed and I asked him to restrict everything to friendship. It’s not that we didn’t try; we did and it worked for a short duration of time and then again we were back to square one. The ‘I love yous’ were answered with ‘I love you more’ and the ‘I miss you’ with ‘I miss you more’. After that ignorance prevailed for a long time. From the times when he used to talk about his problems with the other girl we reached a point where he didn’t talk about her at all. Something told both of us mentioning her would spoil the little time we had together. And we started living in a bubble. I was the happiest because I was being loved exactly the way I wanted and he was at peace because he was being loved without having to prove anything to anyone.
Our happy bubble didn’t last for long and one fine day I came to know that things were sorted between them. I was shattered and broken. I spent hours crying and feeling betrayed. I felt I was played and I held him responsible for everything as well. I confronted him and asked him if he loved me. He said, “I love you but I don’t want you.” I also realised that he’d never committed so he didn’t betray me at all. He was clear his side from the outset.
He felt strongly for me but I guess he felt responsible for the other female. Since I knew the answer to “Why don’t you want me?” I never really asked him for reasons. Who wants to listen to the points supporting your insignificance in their life?
Even today he loves me, I can vouch for it. He would turn the world upside down for me but that’s not what I want from him. I want him to love me and want me at the same time. I know he didn’t play me; it was just love and nothing else. Even though he doesn’t want me in his life I am sure I have given him a plethora of memories. There won’t be a single day when some or the other thing won’t remind him of me and make him smile.
(As told to Ruby Singh)