Humour

Here is why her girl gang’s vacation wasn’t different from her outings with hubby

When a WhatsApp group decides to go on an all-woman holiday...
Indian girls gang

It was a sudden programme to go out of town for a couple of days to a nice seaside resort. We were a group of six women. I was the last entrant to this closed group who had been childhood friends. But since I always wanted to be a part of this group I entertained them, wined and dined them so they added me to their group, albeit reluctantly.

When I told my husband about my travel plans, he laughed. “Don’t you suffer from anxiety and insomnia? How will you cope with six women for two nights?”

I wasn’t worried. I love women friends with their cocktail of subterfuge, bitchiness, love, never revealing where they bought their latest first edition fake bag from and passing it off as real. Men are so boring; women are complex and fun.

We had booked a villa with a private pool.

Drinking and eating and fun

In the morning everyone tumbled into the living room at whatever time they got up. Some wanted to start their day with wine some with chai some with vodka. We were all in our swimming costumes. No one cared about the bulge, no one was judgemental about each other’s bodies. Some had waxed legs, some legs were in all their hirsute glory. A friend just wanted to get massaged and spoke little. One friend just lay near the pool and had vodka shots. She nearly passed out, but not enough to miss tucking into a huge lunch.

In the evening when we were ready to go out, the friend who had drunk copious amounts of vodka and eaten a huge lunch said, “I felt bad that no one asked me for lunch.” She was suffering from drunken amnesia. And we all laughed.

We went roadside shopping and then to a pub, drinking and dancing.

Related reading: 5 places in India you should go to for your next vacation!

All best friends together

Our second day was pretty much the same. No Diwali bombs exploded, not even a cracker. We were all best friends. One woman was on the phone all the time, but she said she was talking to her ailing grandmother. No one believed her. There was a smirk but it was quickly swallowed, and no one spelt it out either.

We came back tired, wanting to sleep, but we just gossiped till the wee hours of the morning, having vodka shots continuously. Skeletons were dug out of people we knew or even we barely knew. We laughed, discussing affairs, and bemoaned our fate because of lacking any ourselves. It was all so saccharine sweet.

One drink too many

Who says women are catty? We loved each other and were so appreciative of each other. Out of the blue, one of them asked another woman, do you like this group or the other group you hang out with? “Too many margaritas?” I muttered.

And then came a loud retort from her: “Do I ever ask you which group of friends do you like? You have 500 groups and you are jealous because I have just two groups, really, this is too much why should I tolerate it?” And she banged the door and got out. Wow, I thought, this is a real successful party! They say no party is successful if there has not been a brawl. And they say well behaved women never make history.

indian-women-drinking
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Related reading: 7 things a girl should do with her bestie before getting married

Better than Digene!

I forgot my acid reflex after drinking so much. This was better than Digene which I keep popping in my mouth and this was better than the Botox injection which I took last year to hide my frown line. With so much excitement my frown line had disappeared. My face felt smooth, like I had just used a peel. “God, give me more,” I pleaded. And God always listens to my mundane desires.

Another woman asked the woman sitting next to her, “I heard your brother was having an affair.” Actually what we had heard was that her brother was bisexual, but she was afraid to voice it. The woman who was asked got so angry and screamed back, “Look after your brothers and husbands, and by the way, I heard your husband is sleeping with your maid. Change your husband!” And she waved a threatening finger and banged the door and walked out. “Isn’t that wrong advice?” I thought, “It should be change your maid.” I guess maids are not dispensable, but husbands are. After they left we four collapsed with laughter discussing who is better, our maid or our husband. We took a vote but will not speak about it, we promised each other.

Early morning was our flight back home. “Thank God,” I thought, “Otherwise fisticuffs would have been in the offing surely.” But in the morning, everyone was air kissing the other and hugged each other tightly when we landed and bid teary goodbyes, though we lived in the same town.

Tired girl

Related reading: Things you will relate to if your bestie is in a relationship

Just like being with my husband!

My husband asked me, “How was your holiday?”
“Lovely,” I said.
“You are looking good. What did you do?”
I laughed, “I’m looking good because I thought I was on a holiday with you.”
“With me, why?” he asked surprised.
“The usual relationship which I have with you of love, hate, intensity, fights, comfort…” and I ran out of words.
He laughed. “You have become so philosophical. Why, was it a big learning experience?”
“Nothing except that I realised we are all human,” and I giggled.

Needless to add, we are still good friends and have decided to have a drunken evening again. And everyone was messaging each other on WhatsApp, “Let’s meet, which drink is everyone getting? And come armed with loads of gossip!”

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Published in Humour

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