You’d be surprised at how many people ask what took me so long to move out of my marriage. The reason’s pretty simple.
I am a hopeful person by nature which is not a good thing to be in a bad situation. I could say there are two kinds of hopes – one good, the other bad – and that’s true. Good hope is the kind that keeps me writing. Publisher’s aren’t sending an oh yes, we are accepting your book mail, and you hang on to hope and you keep writing, and you keep sending these off because you have a goal, a meaningful goal I’ll say. It keeps you going when it doesn’t look like things are going to happen.
Now, let’s dwell on the bad situation for a bit. When the spouse is drunk each night and then each day and in that drunken state, there’s venom and bile and the hand lashes out and it lashes out with anything that’s at hand so that you keep yourself out of the kitchen – there are knives and forks and scissors and many such things in there that can slice through your skin, muscle and vein without second thought – and you keep the table tops clear of anything that can be thrown, that’s a bad situation. I hope you agree with me on that.
I hope you also agree with me that nobody, man or woman, should have to put up with that situation. It isn’t always women who face this rot, although their numbers are overwhelmingly high in comparison.
Now, when you hold on to hope in that situation, that’s the bad kind of hope, the meaningless one.
The reason behind the bad kind of hope is lethargy, two kinds of fear and sometimes, a sense of responsibility – we’ll talk of the last one another time because it will take us in a different direction. You are familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy, aren’t you? The one that says food, clothing and shelter needs must be satisfied before we begin to aspire to the next level of things. We ought to add marriage to that list in our society because of the utter feeling of inadequacy that comes upon us when we miss that bus. We don’t stop to think if that bus is really for us, but that’s another discussion.
We don’t talk of one thing though with Maslow’s hierarchy. When food, clothing and shelter – and I’ll add marriage to that – are taken care of, lethargy sets in for many. A satiation that whispers that all’s well as long as status quo is maintained. Sure, we aspire for more and more of some things, but the aspiration to move boulders for a good goal – we lose that.Women’s Web.
Images: Yashasvi Agrawal