A few days back I received an email from a person I have known and interacted with for years. Here is what she wrote:
“Oh, the irony of it! I exchanged an email with Raksha on the ***** of March, telling her that I would write something for Bonobology – all the time wondering if there’s anything for me to really write about. My life was perfect. I knew nothing of infidelity, of betrayal, of loss. Little did I know that life would teach me all about it. And the very next day too!
“On the ***** of March, my husband of 10 years came home early to tell me that he’s met someone. I asked him if she was an Indian woman. Later, this moment of truth would remind me of Emily Dickinson’s poem ‘I heard a fly buzz when I died’. At that moment, however, it seemed like an urgent bit of information!
When you’re happily married and yet falling in love with someone else
A girl who lost her virginity to a married man shares her experience
Instead of giving the divorce she asked for, he took away his own life
I can totally understand- while I did not feel any shame then, I accepted and understood my husband- but I had an undying faith in my love for him and a misplaced sense of loyalty and belief that he WILL come back to me. When it didn’t happen, I came to stay with my parents- mental abuse leaves worse scars than physical. I feel a sense of shame at times when people ask address my Mom as my kid’s Dadi and I have to correct them.
I am not sorry for what happened:I got over it, I healed and it made me who I am.
If someone’s cheating, it’s a reflection on the other person’s flawed beliefs and values-it’s got NOTHING to do with you. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.
Never doubt yourself.
Love,
Apurva.