How fantasising about others makes our sex life exciting

happy couple in bed

As told to Saurabh Dalal

I read out the fairy tale to our little princess while my wife cleaned the table after dinner. It had been a really tiring day today at the office and I was glad when our daughter finally dozed off to sleep. I still had some pending emails to be sent to our New York office. As I was typing them out on my MacBook, I could hear my wife taking out the crockery from the dishwasher and start arranging them. She never likes to keep the utensils dirty overnight. Says it breeds germs and insects. She’s a cleanliness freak and I’ve learned over the years to let her have her way. Plus, who doesn’t like to live in a neat and clean home, after all!

I was on my last email as she came into the living room, her face glistening with the sweat even as her flicks accentuated her beautiful sharp features. I looked up and she smiled at me, “Busy, Tiger?” There was a rush of adrenaline through my veins. Oh my god! She seemed to be in the mood for some action tonight. “Yeah, had some emails to send. But I’m almost done now.” “Good,” she replied and without so much as a backward glance went into our bedroom.

In the mood!

Whenever she signals she’s looking forward to some action on tiring days like this, I’m confused. One part of my mind gets all hot and bothered and reminds me how important it is to fulfil my duties as a husband to my lovely wife; while the other half protests, arguing that my tired muscles were really looking forward to plunging into the bed and not her just a few moments ago. Not surprisingly, the part which reminds me of husbandly duty wins. A guy’s got to do what his wife expects him to do, after all. Sound advice is given by my cousin, even though in a different context!

couple in mood

On entering the bedroom, I had another sweet surprise in store for me.

All the lights, save the concealed false ceiling lights, were switched off. It meant she was ready for some fantasising tonight.

She was under the covers and from the bare shoulders peaking out, I had a hunch that there wasn’t much on underneath the covers.

Related reading: Fantasising about someone else while in bed with your partner?

Bringing in fantasy

I slid under the covers with her. She was facing away from me. I whispered into her ears, ”Hi sweetheart! Sharad called today. He wants us to come for dinner this weekend.” “Yes, Swati too called me,” she murmured. Sharad is my close friend and Swati is his wife. They are a nice, good-looking, fun to be with a couple and we have gone on many holidays with them over the years. We share a good rapport with them. “So what are you planning to wear?” I asked. “Hmmm, maybe I’ll wear that denim skirt and yellow crop top you brought from New York. You think Sharad will like it?” I could hear the naughtiness in her question. It was the trigger that I needed to forget my tiredness. I kissed her in reply and soon we were engaged in a most exciting and lovely session of lovemaking.

Over the years, we’ve found that our lovemaking is much more intense and unforgettable whenever we introduce another person or novel situation, often considered taboo by the society, directly or indirectly into our love talk.

It’s almost as if the mention of another person or a new situation brings with it a novelty factor into our bed, something morally depraved yet achingly, deliciously so.

I’ve often wondered if we’re right in fantasising about such things? Do our actions count as infidelity, not in reality but in thought? We’re lucky to have trust and confidence between us to talk about our fantasies openly. It’s something special that exists between us and is part of our strong relationship. But what if it leads us into promiscuity or unchartered territories? What if someday she or maybe I go too far in our fantasies?

Related reading: Is it ok to imagine someone else during sex?

funny wide eyed couple in bed

I know that there are moral puritans out there who may call us too lusty for our own good. But for now, all I know is that when we make love, it enhances our sensations and pleasure. It makes us alive. It keeps our marriage and passion alive. And every time we have a fantasy, it reinvents us as a new person, even if for a limited time. It just swishes away the monotony and drudgery. Lovemaking for us is never monotonous, thanks to these fantasies. And it’s the end which is important after all, not the means. Sound advice from my boss, again in a different context though.

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