It’s no surprise that having a baby means the parents’ personal and professional lives may take a hit. A baby demands round-the-clock care, which means you can no longer spend an hour and a half lazing around with your spouse on a Sunday afternoon. Let’s not forget how your sex life takes a hit as well, since sex after having a baby is about as “easy” as knitting a sweater in a dark room.
If you’re waiting for the baby to fall asleep, it feels as though s/hes’s now decided they want to stay up the whole night. Or by the time s/he’s finally asleep, all you have energy for is throwing yourself on your bed, not on your spouse. After pregnancy sex brings about its own set of challenges since the sex can just get awkward.
Everything about life changes once a baby is thrown into the mix, but what exactly does sex life after a baby look like? Read on to find out how sex after having a baby seems an almost herculean task.
How Our Sex Life Changed After Having A Baby
Sex is significant. It is significant for me. We Indians are still way too inhibited to discuss our bedroom secrets even in our private circles, let alone in public or on social media! But I am not. I tend to shock many with my uninhibited ways; some even try to gag me, to no avail.
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Sex is a topic I openly read about and often discuss with friends, girlfriends and loved ones. Why be ashamed about a core fact of life? I have always had several questions and assumptions regarding sex, both before and after marriage. More so, after conceiving and giving birth. My body underwent a lot of changes pre and post-partum. Some physical, some emotional, mostly hormonal. And, honestly, the prime question on my mind prior to giving birth was, will sex go out the window now?
Our bout with after pregnancy sex
Pregnancy and sex drive in most cases don’t really agree with each other. My spouse and I did attempt to have sex while I was pregnant. But since it felt too awkward, we gave up after a few tries. Of all the sex during pregnancy stories I read in the past, nowhere did it say just how impossible it’d be! So, it was about nine months of intimacy, without the intercourse, per se. After the baby, sex wasn’t possible for sixty days — for biological reasons, of course.
I yearned awfully for my husband every day, despite post-partum and newborn nursing stress. Unwillingly, ours became a sexless marriage. Over the course of the whole thing, our romance never once waned through all these months. In fact, my sweet spouse was all the more supportive through this entire phase. However, sometimes my body and mind did long for that extra spice, if you know what I mean!
When biology finally gave us its consent to hit the sack together, it felt like we were transcending a million light-years to witness a glorious meteor shower! Everything was good until the big O was interrupted by the censor board — newborn wails. Alas, this married couple did not have its way on that magical night. The first of many such.
So, how easy or difficult is sex after the baby?
I have discussed this pressing issue with a few close friends as well. For some, it is easy, when the baby has a separate bedroom or his/her own crib. But, what about most Indian families where the baby co-habits the same bed as his parents? My child, for example, does not sleep a wink without me next to him! So, we patiently wait for him to doze off into REM sleep prior to canoodling.
Related Reading: How to Spice Up A Sexless Relationship and Bring Intimacy Back?
A friend of mine made it clear that she wouldn’t let her baby share her bed and hence bought a crib. But, when the baby fell sick and badly wanted to snuggle next to momma, all her plans of intimacy were scrapped right there as the baby refused to get back into the crib again and wanted mom all to herself!
Another friend always resorts to the floor and swears by the success rate of this tried and tested formula. It works well for her because the slightest creak of the bed awakens her kids, and she likes it wild! While another friend confides that he makes out in a cozy corner at the foot of the bed with his wife, while his babies occupy the larger space in the bed. Compromise accepted — all for a good reason!
Some parents ease their children off into separate bedrooms when the time is right. Nobody would want to be caught red-faced in the middle of action, right? And furthermore, be faced with an unending, embarrassing barrage of questions by a toddler! Yes, parenthood is a daunting challenge. And sex after a baby certainly is more of a challenge.
Sex post-pregnancy definitely isn’t something you can just do whenever you like, without planning, as you might’ve once done. Once there’s a baby in the picture, you’ve got to wait till he/she falls asleep, and then you’ve got to make sure the bed doesn’t make a single creak, lest your child wake up crying.
Although, if both of you remain patient and weather the storm, there will come a time when sex after having a baby will be possible. Pregnancy sex life may not be the best, but what matters most is that you do not let the intimacy you two have suffer as a result. At the end of the day, your baby will only bring the both of you closer together.