How life changes after marriage…(Part 1)

Jyoti Gupta
Red roses proposal

I was twenty-two when I got married to the man of my dreams. It was a marriage that was arranged by our parents as is the custom in India. When my husband had said yes, I was on top of the world. I knew then what every woman felt at this one shining moment of her life.

I knew that one day I would marry, fall in love and have children. My husband was the man, who had come for me, who had swept me up in his arms, had made me belong to him and was everything I’d ever wanted in a man. As I pictured my dream home, dreams budded in my heart.

My husband, during courtship, was everything I had ever dreamed of. He was loving, attentive, charming and caring.

My courtship was beautiful, with roses delivered every day, candlelight dinners and long walks in the gardens under the moonlight. My husband had courted me in a fashion that won my romantic heart. My falling in love had not taken long.

I was always a fun loving girl, bold and outgoing. I could say whatever I wanted, tease, joke and laugh and live the way I wanted. There was never a no for anything.

Of course, I had to be careful of my own safety and abide by mannerisms taught to every child of the family, but at the same time I could move about freely, hang out with college friends, buy stuff, and eat whatever I wanted. No rules and regulations. I was loved by my parents who tried to fulfill my little wishes at the best of their ability. And the best part of my mother was that she always made it a point that I eat properly to stay healthy. My father used to call maybe a hundred times to know when I would come back home. I remember I used to get irritated by small things at them, but they used to take it in good humor.

The experience of life after marriage is completely different from the one I had before marriage. I now understand the difference between them and my new family.

Ha Ha! But my irritation when flared at my husband was followed by the cause and effect law.

Freedom was in my hands before marriage where I could wear anything from low tops to jeans and dresses. But after marriage, the master of the house ordered a certain decorum to be followed in style and language. I wonder if he decided to be the self-proclaimed authority in the house out of self- importance.

I thought as a girl that marriage would be something where I could fulfill a dream of my own home. I feel that’s what every girl thinks once she enters into the sacred bond of marriage. I was the same, no difference. And what was wrong with that, even if I thought it to be the way I wished.

But then, things are different.

What if I say the one who is controlled becomes the controller?

This story is about a girl who is really close to my heart. I want to share her journey with you and would look forward to your advice and views.

Do share your experiences of life before and after marriage.

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Jyoti Gupta
Jyoti Gupta October 20, 2017 - 5:16 pm

You are correct. You cannot live the same way you do before marriage. It’s so different after marriage and the basic word for a women is compromise. I have also seen enough marriages to realize what you or I are feeling. Anyways leaving your parents house is scary and if you don’t get a correct person ‘so difficult.

Shobha Mahapatra
Shobha Mahapatra October 16, 2017 - 3:13 pm

For a girl, marriage is the turning point in her life. And we cannot help being scared because of no matter how loving and caring our husband is, no matter how good our in-laws are, life for some reason never remains the same.

And it is never noticed in the big things, but in the little compromises that girls are always expected to do. And as a girl who is completely in love with her life, the pampering, the attention, the priority she is given, I cannot help but have major nightmares whenever I think of the word ‘marriage’.

PS – I have seen enough marriages in my family to know and understand how this system gets biasws against the brides.

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