Hello ma’am, I am a 38-year-old divorcee, a mother to a daughter and in love with a 29-year-old man who loves me too. How do I convince my parents to accept us? They are very conservative and won’t understand. They worry more about what other people will say and how they would judge our actions?
My boyfriend is still struggling professionally, is nine years younger. Plus, as we are from an upper-middle-class family and he hails from the lower middle, it is very hard for us to be able to make people accept us. Status is very important for our family elders and they’ll never approve of him. I tried discussing my problem with my siblings but they think it’s not wise of me to marry him because he would depend on me financially and the alliance would not be safe for my teenage daughter.
But my boyfriend and I have been in love with each other for the past 5 years now. I know both of us are working and still not very well settled professionally but I love him. I love him because he loves me, but more than that, I love him because he respects me and cares for me and always wants to see me happy and smiling. He admires my qualities, motivates and encourages me. He never fails to admit that he is what he is because of me. He makes me feel strong and responsible…when I’m in a bad mood he’ll pamper me like a small child and wouldn’t stop till I smile back again… I love him because in his company I am ‘me’.
My daughter is comfortable in his company and he treats her well, sometimes mentoring or guiding her, sometimes teasing and quarrelling with her… Both of them share a special connection. She calls him ‘Buddy’ and is very happy about our relationship.
We now stay in different cities and our conversations are limited to texts and phone calls, but the bond remains strong. Please guide me, ma’am, how do I convince people around me? –
Answer:
Hello,
It’s great to know that you’ve found someone you love and share a deep bond. However, have both you and your partner discussed your future together?
You’ve mentioned that you are living in different cities and the communication is limited to phone calls and texts, is that accurate?
You’ve mentioned that your family is conservative. But how conservative are they that they accepted your divorce and are supporting you? Think about it?
Are you financially independent and earn your money? How comfortable are you with supporting a man financially?
These are a few questions that you need to ask yourself. As far as your parents and family go, the only problem there seems to be is of finances and social class. I am tempted to say that these things do not matter. But I will refrain from that and tell you to tread carefully. Lack of finances and cultural differences can break the strongest of bonds and friendships.
Your family’s concern is genuine. They may be protective of you and want you to be careful before thinking of marrying someone. The only option you have is to actually speak with your parents and your partner and take the matter forward. You also need to prepare yourself for both, good and bad consequences.
What are your options if your parents disagree?
What are you and your partner looking from the relationship?
What will happen, if you do not marry your current partner?
What risks does this marriage hold?
Do all relationships have to end in marriage?
Love gives high drugs. Be rational and open.
All the best!
Snigdha
1 comment
This sounds like me with my younger man and we are very happy, he is 28 and I am 52 and it works, its been almost four years now since he approached me on a dating app and yes I’m me around him to and comfortable, as I was not comfortable been me for over 30 years with my older foreign ex…that harms you, and if you cannot be yourself around your partner you are not with the right person, it took me years and four older kids now to figure it out, he is just so dam nice….living in different cities does not halt the relationship, its common now, once mine went on a six week course, and it was hard…but is the longest we have been apart. Your parents wont change, is better to get on with your life and not let it interfere…I never see my mum, and have never got along with her..my dad died years ago, and his mum he does not see either just his dad who is just happy to see his son happy. this is not a huge age gap, and they love each other so what’s the problem???