Counselling

How to move on after the breakup if we work together?

He is married but says he still loves me
An upset female employee at office

Question:

Dear ma’am,

I am a 25-year-old woman. I was in a relationship with a guy who is 14 years older than me and also my colleague. We were in a relationship for almost 1 year. But he is married. I never wanted to be in an extramarital affair but it happened in my life. I still regret it…

During the affair, I was in depression. At the time I was totally frustrated thinking about the future and thinking about his wife. But I have decided to withdraw because I was sinning every time we got close. Now I am not with him. I am trying to be strong and I am trying to focus on my work and family.

The problem is that he is my colleague and he sits near me. He still says that he loves me and wants to be close to me… Sometimes I feel weak, but again I ignore him because we can’t stay together and there is no future.

He was cheating on his wife, which I can’t digest, being a woman.

Can you please suggest to me how to ignore him politely and how to get over him emotionally. If he says something good to me I get tears in my eyes because I was too badly emotionally attached to him, but now I want to be strong.

Related reading: I had an affair with a married man

Relationship counselling at Bonobology

Avani Tiwari says:

Dear I-want-to-be-strong,

First of all, let me congratulate you for having taken a smart step. You are right in assuming that there is no point in continuing a relationship which has no future. Also, how can you be sure he won’t cheat on you, given his past record?

Now, to avoid him is going to be difficult, so please don’t be hard on yourself if you find yourself missing him or the times together.

But remain firm. Tell him in a non-confrontational way that all is over between you two. The relationship between you is strictly professional now. If he doesn’t stop bothering you, you will be forced to raise the matter in front of authorities at the office and even his wife might find out. He may lose his job. So it’s better for him to not reiterate his messages of love, because you are not interested.

Talk to a trusted colleague or senior if you can find one. Just stick it out and in no time you’d have moved on the way ahead of this.

Take care,
Avani

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