My husband and I don’t have physical relations and he’s planning a separate bedroom too


Dear Ma’am

I am a 28-year-old woman and I’ve been married for 2 years. However, even after two years, my husband has not established any physical relationship with me. Whenever I ask him the reason, he always tells me that he doesn’t feel any attraction towards me. I am trying very hard to save my marriage but I know without any physical intimacy, it would be very difficult for our marriage to survive.

And it is not just about physical intimacy, he has no emotional connect with me either. He hardly shares his feelings with me. If I pester him a little, he gets aggressive.

I don’t know what to do. We are in the same house and still he plans to get a separate bedroom for himself. I don’t want to fall in love with anyone else while I am still married. But then I can’t even imagine getting divorced from my husband. I really love him and I don’t want to leave him, but I don’t know what to do. Please suggest.

Mallika Pathak says:

Dear Lady,

Understanding the perils of a sexless marriage is difficult. It’s one of those basic things we think come naturally with marriage. Yet, an estimate of over 20 percent of marriages are sexless. It is an issue that needs to be addressed delicately.

Talk to your husband: Coming from a country where sex education is just starting to get “regular talk”, I recommend that you try to talk to your husband when he is in a safe place, physically and mentally. There may be a lack of information, some underlying physical issue, or just a difference in understanding what each other likes, sexually. Talk to him, and make it amply clear that you’re in this marriage to stay, but you also want him to try and make some attempts in order to make it work.

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About him not being emotionally open: Has this always been the case, or is this a recent development? Is he emotionally a shy person with everyone, or only with you? These pointers can help gauge if it is his personality or there is some concern in his mind regarding your relationship.

Separate bedrooms: If I have to give you my opinion of the situation of getting two separate bedrooms, I think the thing that is important is not just to share a bedroom, but to share a close level of intimacy. Sleeping in different bedrooms can be done even by couples in healthy relationships.

Meet the professionals: Along with open communication with your husband, marital sex therapy will greatly benefit you both. I would highly recommend it.

I give you my best,

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