My husband is having an extramarital affair but I don’t want to leave him

She is sure her husband is seeing someone and having an extramarital affair

I am married for ten years with three children. I have a job and contribute financially towards household expenses. After four years of our marriage, we moved to our newly-purchased home in the outskirts of the city. He goes to town regularly to work and has started an extramarital affair.

My husband started seeing someone else…

He started seeing an older lady with three kids, who is also a widow. I thought it is an extramarital affair that he is having but I heard he has already introduced the lady to his family as his other wife. I have been enduring this because I don’t want to be a single mother to my children. He doesn’t spend time with me or the children at all. He sometimes stays away from home and I know he stays with the lady then. This hurts me terribly. I had believed in love and marriage but now I don’t anymore.

I work seven days a week, take care of my children and also take care of the expenses along with my husband. I don’t deny him sex even when I am dead tired. I pray for him and encourage him but he seems to be interested in the other lady only. I am emotionally traumatized and sometimes I feel like committing suicide because I don’t feel loved and I feel sexually very unsatisfied too. I don’t want to start a relationship with someone because of my sexual needs because I believe I am married. Please advise me. What should I do?

Dear Strong Lady,

I can’t even begin to imagine the amount of strength and courage you have, to endure this. However it can be traumatic as you have rightly mentioned.

What are you looking for?

You really need to figure out what are you looking for in your life and what you now expect from this relationship/ marriage.

Have you openly discussed the scenario with your husband? What is the long-term and short-term arrangement between you two of you? You said that he stays away from home sometimes so that means he has not moved in with the lady yet. He is with you but spends time there.

You don’t hate him

You have also mentioned, you pray for him and encourage him and you seem to have accepted this other family in your husband’s life. So what is it that you’re looking for yourself? Neither have you expressed hatred and anger at him. And you have a sexual relationship with him although you are not satisfied.

Being single is not an option despite his extramarital affair

You say you don’t want to be single so you don’t have to move out despite your financial independence. I would strongly suggest that you please seek help of a professional psychologist. This issue is complex and a-on on-one with a professional is the only option in figuring your way out of this. You are a very strong lady. Suicide is never an option but professional counselling will certainly help.

Please write back for further assistance or in case you need help finding a good psychologist near you.

All the best!

Snigdha Mishra

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