Question:
Dear ma’am,
After 3 years of marriage I am really confused about what my husband actually is. I am from the middle class and he is educated, earns decently and is well off (at least his parents own a house.) Things started when my parents lost my jewellery to the bank owing to some loans. They tried hard to recover it but couldn’t. I value my parents more than money so it was not a big issue. I tried to make my in-laws and husband understand. Initially they could and my husband even helped them to pay off some debt by taking loans on his name where I and my sister pay him back monthly. Criticism started on day one of my delivery. I had told my father to ask my husband for help whenever there is shortfall of money. We had discussed and agreed also. But to my shock he didn’t help them. We had an argument about it and he started recounting old issues about jewels and what my parents did, etc. I cried for nearly two weeks thinking about all this. He left for his uncle’s place rather than being with me in hospital and since then we are having fights over it. He has developed a huge dislike towards my parents and calls them frauds, not even allowing me to help when they are in need, and nitpicking about each thing my mother does etc. I and my husband love each other very dearly. But this issue is straining our relationship.
Jaseena Backer says:
Dear lady,
You must reflect on your last statement so that the thought process is set straight.
Reflect on love
You said your husband and you love each other. But if things have fallen apart due to financial issues, it is better for you to reflect on the love in the marriage. Any sincere love can’t be conditional. It looks like this love was based on financial stuff like jewellery. So as long as that gold was with you, all was well. Now that it is no more, there is no more love. Just think in the reverse. Had your husband’s family or he used it for gold loan and lost it? Then would you act in a similar manner? That’s the difference in this case.
Dowry manifests as an evil in many ways
The jewellery, which in fact is dowry, is playing a huge part of the marriage which is actually a social evil. This is a regular feature in many Indian homes which requires a lot of talking and understanding among families. The case here is such that neither your husband nor your in-laws are being supportive of the situation. If they have cut ties with you only because of the jewellery then they will most likely rebound only after the return of the jewellery. The irony is that the jewellery given to you by your father for your use was seen as an investment into the in-laws’ family.
Husband’s role as father
Your husband not being by your side after your pregnancy doesn’t bode well for the father that he will be. He is to be with you and the child as you handle motherhood. You will have to become strong and confident to handle the marriage. Reconciliation would have its own repercussion, as you still don’t have the gold.
Talk to your husband about what you want. If he loves you, then maybe you should be able to restart peaceful married life. Ideally he should be able to understand, because he will be missing out on you and your child.
Take care.
Jaseena Backer
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