Counselling

My husband is searching for other women online

He flirted with his ex-girlfriend too.
man searching online

Question:

Dear Ma’am

I have been cheated by my husband. He had more than 9 girls in his life before me. He was still in contact with them even after our marriage. Initially he was very good to me but then I had lot of pressure from his mother regarding household work and I also had lot of office work.

After six months of marriage he left his job saying he wanted to spent time with me and wanted to search for a good job but then he was at home all the time doing nothing, resting. He did not try for any interview. I was bearing all the expenses of the house. I used to get irritated because of this. Even my husband also used to fight with me; he always used to make me feel how useless I was.

One year back I saw his mobile and came to know that he was chatting with his ex-girlfriend saying that he missed her and why did he get married. I was shocked to read it because that time he was talking nicely with me and suddenly that message dragged me to trauma. I cried a lot and asked him why. He said he got attracted to her because I was ignoring him but the facts were very different… I never ignored him; I always tried to give him as much as attention I could.

I supported him to find a good job. I pleaded with him, I fixed his interview with companies. After all the efforts he finally got a good job and started working. But recently I found that he still keeps on searching for that girl and other girls on social sites.

I again asked him why but he didn’t answer. He had no reason. He said he searched because of curiosity as to what is happening in their life. I tried to make him understand like my child, I always try to be his friend. He said sorry to me as he always does.

I am getting hurt inside every day. I just can’t digest that my husband is still in search of other women. I really feel like screaming loudly.

I am hurt ………………..

Relationship counselling

Prachi Vaish says:

Dear Lady,

I’m very sorry to hear that you have to face this with your husband every day.

He could be flirtatious by nature

It sounds like it’s his nature to be flirtatious [restrict]with other women and a lot of times people do it because the attention and variety they get from others gives them a big high. You can try having a discussion with him where you can ask him how he would feel if you also got flirtatious with other men around you. Maybe that would put things in perspective for him.

Set clear boundaries

It might also help you to remember that he’s not faithful to any of the women he’s flirting with. It’s not that you are not enough. It’s that no one will ever be enough for him. But that said, people have managed to establish satisfactory marital and domestic lives for themselves with their partners with the help of open communication and understanding. Maybe you need to figure out a way together where he can assure you of your importance and place in his life and you can embrace this aspect of his personality with certain clear boundaries.

This is just a suggestion and I know it sounds against everything you might know about relationships, but there are no rules when it comes to marriage. You have to find what works for you.

I wish you all the best!

Prachi

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consult here native

What to expect when you love a man with low self-esteem

What does it mean if your guy has no female friends?

When your partner is flirting with someone else at a party

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