Counselling

My husband sexts with others, doesn’t talk to me or the kids. What do I do?

Husband says he earns for the children, but won't spend time with them. He won't spend time with me either.
sad indian woman at the beach

Dear ma’am,

I have been married for the past 8 years and have 2 kids. My husband is never interested in me. We never talk about anything. We speak only when there is some work to be done. I recently found out about my husband sexting. When I confronted him he just told me that he was doing it so that our relationship improves. Never was he sorry for his behaviour. I took it at face value and tried to put things behind me and try all over again but things haven’t improved. He is still the same. He refuses to talk to me. When I ask if anything is bothering him, he doesn’t tell me. He loves the children, but will not do anything to take care of them. He always says he’s earning for them; the remaining things I have to do. I’m confused, should I stay in this loveless marriage and live each day being alone?

relationship counselling

Mallika Pathak says:

Hey!

A relationship without communication is almost like a relationship that does not exist. Yet, as emotional creatures we wait for changes in our current circumstances to happen; even small minute ones. Your situation is difficult, as there is also [restrict] the cheating involved. The fact that he said that the sexting was an effort to improve your relationship doesn’t make sense. Also, him not showing any remorse for it is another indication of how he is not considering this as a problem.

Any relationship requires efforts that are equal on both sides. You have put in yours, but his efforts are equally necessary. He says that it is your responsibility to look after the kids, but the kids belong to both of you. Father-child bonds also need to be developed. One person cannot squirm out of taking responsibility.

I understand that he is working and will have a busy schedule, but lots of working couples too are able to divide responsibilities of their children between each other. It not only gives each partner some rest, but is also equally important for the children to develop healthy relationships with both parents.

I believe you need to ask yourself some introspective questions. Is he the partner that you would have looked for to spend the rest if your life with? Is he reliable? Are you willing to overlook the cheating? Are you getting the respect that you deserve? Can there be ways in which you can convince him regarding the need for communication in the relationship? What are you getting from this relationship? Ask yourself these questions and try to reflect upon the answers. Talk to your family members, or even his family members if they are supportive of you. Don’t hesitate to get back in touch with me if you have any further thoughts.

Best,
Mallika.

[/restrict]

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2 Comments

  1. I agree with Shiv. I would just add: divorce your husband and suck as much money as you can. There is no way such irresponsible behavior could be acceptable. But do yourself a honor: do not cheat as long as you are married to him. After marriage all bets are off.

  2. Give your husband two options, tell him that either he ups his game as a husband and a father, or else your walking out the door with the kids. Cause if the dad is emotionally unavailable then there is no necessity for him to be physically present.

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