Counselling

My husband is supportive but I love another man

My husband is very supportive towards me but I can’t forget the other man.
woman thinking

Question:

Dear ma’am,

I am married and I have two children. Both my husband and I are in good jobs and everything is going well. My husband is very supportive towards me. About a year ago someone else entered my life. We were acquaintances; we met for work and then began to meet frequently, and we began to talk often and got very close. I like that he talks to me, cares for me, but he was married too.

Then he had some problem in his family, he told me, because of which our interaction was reduced, but I constantly kept thinking about him. His behaviour was strange. Sometimes he would talk to me as if I meant the world to him and then suddenly he would go quiet. I was unable to understand. I also realise that I have my family, but my love for him is true so I can’t step back. I have found love after marriage, but I don’t want to wrong anyone, either his wife or my husband, but I am unable to forget him.

Should I carry on this nameless relationship with him or should I forget him?

Please guide me.

Kavita Panyam says:

Dear lady,

Your query is deep, as you not only want to be told whether you are right in [restrict]loving another man after marriage but also if you should continue with this association! While it is not right for a therapist to comment on your choice of actions or way of life, I can certainly help throw some light on the situation you’ve landed yourself in.

All marriages evolve

First, all marriages lose that initial spark and romance as time goes by. While it is true that that passion fades away, this does not mean it is non-existent. Both partners need to work on themselves to retain the love and passion.

Love outside marriage could be make believe relationship

Coming to falling in love outside marriage, it may in most cases just be a case of getting attention and focus. The feeling of being desired can be heady. When this takes place you may confuse it with love. You say he is also married, which means there is no future in this. I am sure you knew this before “falling” for him.

This person has some issues going on in his life which is why he might have stepped in for some respite. But when he found you building feelings for him, it might have put him in a tight spot, which may be the reason why he is on and off your life.

Please don’t sacrifice your marriage, peace and family for a make-believe relationship that may only exist in your mind. No one has a 100% fulfilling married life. That doesn’t mean there is no love between the married couple.

Focus on your peace

You must close this chapter immediately and focus on your peace. This volatile relationship isn’t the road to your peace and happiness for sure. In the end it’s you that has to choose what’s best for your life.

Good luck!

Kavita

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