I have been married for 3 years, my in-laws’ family is a conservative family. Since we got married, my husband never shared his personal or professional life with me. He never shared his future plans with me… like other husbands share with their wives. No conversations regarding home, kids, likes dislikes either. Whenever I asked he simply refused to give proper answers.
He doesn’t like to go out on vacation and doesn’t like to celebrate anniversary or birthday etc. He spends his money on his parents, sisters, nieces and nephews but when it comes to me, he behaves like I am a burden on him. He always tells me to become a self-dependent and complains to his parents when I ask for some money for personal expenses. I have never felt any love and affection for him. His mother abused me many times for no reason, but he kept silent.
I was very happy when I got pregnant but within a week’s time he refused to continue this relationship and forced me to abort this child. After an abortion, he never tried to contact me and was behaving normally at the hospital like nothing happened. Please advise what should I do ma’am?
Related reading: When I decided to walk towards freedom after facing abuse
Jaseena Backer says:
From what you have been describing, the marriage actually has nothing in it. Your husband is hardly there in the marriage. When you live as a couple you share everything about present and future. Do not compare your marriage with other marriages. However, there should be discussions all the time about important matters like the marriage, career, children, investments, old parents. There should also be casual discussions about likes and dislikes and fun plans. None of these seems to be there in your marriage. Therefore your foundation itself would be weak. It is also pertinent here to know what he thinks of such open discussions and communications. He doesn’t think of you as a family yet and that’s why he does things only for his side of the family.
But why do you want to live with him when he thinks you are a burden on him? No wife should be treated as a burden by her husband. If he thinks that getting a job is the solution then what about the emotional connection? The money will not solve that.
Why are you putting up with the physical abuse of his mother? Why was the decision to have an abortion only his? You are the partner and parenting is always a joint decision.
Find a job to be financially independent and move on in life. Maybe you would want to live alone also. Take bold steps one by one. Good luck.