Struggles and Scars

Her husband’s snoring is destroying her peace and threatening the marriage

His snoring is keeping her awake at night and disrupting their sex life as well. What can she do to make sure she gets enough sleep at night
Man snoring woman unhappy

Complaints about husbands snoring are as common as those about children not making their beds. Some wives joke about it, while to some their marriage is at stake due to this nocturnal event. If you don’t believe me, hear it from Kamalini, as this is causing distress in her marriage.

“I love him a lot and we have put up with a lot of each other’s unbearable behaviours and habits. We have lived together eight successful years and still counting. But I can’t tolerate the snoring habit. Unfortunately the snoring is getting worse by the day and is disturbing my sleep. I wake up fatigued and land at the office with low focus.”

“Even on a day that I go to bed early I just can’t sleep as soon as I hit the bed, because that’s the time I reflect on the entire day’s events. But my husband, who comes to bed after me, falls asleep even looking at the pillow and while I take account of the day he is in lala land, blissfully unaware of my internal monologue.”

husband snoring
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Related reading: When a morning person marries a night owl

An amazing cacophony of sounds

“I know it isn’t his fault that I can’t fall asleep quickly, but what hits me hard is his snoring as soon as he falls asleep. It is hard enough to sleep when there are a hundred thoughts about home and office racing in your mind. It’s harder when there is a traffic island cacophony of cries, whistles and gasps in your ears. I am not exaggerating; he has a scary variety of cries and sounds. Many times I have jumped out of bed because I thought he was struggling for his breath.

“Initially I ignored it, as it was only once in a fortnight or so when he was really tired or had too much alcohol. But as years passed by, it became frequent and now it’s daily. I know he is not deliberately making noise, as he is oblivious to the happenings.”

“I need the peace at night after all the noise during the day at my construction sites and children at home. At times it feels like sleeping on the railway platform with all the noise and action. I began by slowly shaking him from sleep and then he would be silent for a few minutes and then the train begins to move again.”

irritated woman because of husband
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Related reading: How to deal with a drunken husband

Trying out all remedies

These were the concerned words of Kamalini. Most of us have experienced someone around the house snoring, but it’s next to impossible to even lie on the bed when there is an orchestra being played near your eardrums. Snoring is not only a nuisance to the partner but 75% of the people who snore have obstructive sleep apnoea (a condition when breathing is disrupted for a brief time). This could lead to developing heart disease. Some home remedies can be tried before going for medical help. Sleeping with the head raised will help to snore to a certain extent, but can lead to a neck ache.

“I noticed that when he drank he snored more, and on those days I started taking a sleeping pill to avoid the cacophony, but the disadvantage was that I woke up late and then my entire morning schedule went for a toss. A friend told me that having a hot shower prior to sleep can help open nasal passages. It helped a few days, and then bang, we were back in the noisy bedroom.”

“Another issue that our marriage is facing is that when there is such a noise on the bed, then intimacy flies out of the window. We always enjoyed our lovemaking after one round of sleep, but now that just doesn’t work, as I am all fuming by that time. He’s a deep sleeper so nothing can be done to shake him to awareness. I sleep the fairy tale from the princess and the pea; in the story the real princess can’t sleep over several mattresses because there is a little pea under the bed, while I feel noise aggravating.”

Related reading: Conditions apply: On what women want in bed and why

I need my sleep

“While I was in boarding school, I had issues with noises from the room. I couldn’t get used to it, but that was on another bed. Here in marriage it’s on my own bed. It is said that how we are used to sleeping as a child is exactly how we sleep as an adult, so there is no getting used to it. I realised I have to hone my snore preventing strategies. I used to wake him up and then it would subside for a few minutes. Then I hit him for a few minutes of relief. The second he goes into deep breath, the snoring would also resume.”

Kamalini had tried every possible trick she knows, because every time I suggested something to help, she’s been there and done that. “He refused to believe me that it was really bad, so I invaded his privacy and took a 30-minute video of his sleep and showed him one morning. Then he was willing to attempt all the home remedies. He slept on a raised pillow, he slept on the side, and he took a hot shower before sleeping. Nothing worked and then I decided he needed to consult a doctor. He hasn’t agreed to this, as he feels embarrassed. The last resort was to sleep in a separate room. But we live in a joint family and when I sleep in another room it’s taken as a marital fight.”

frustrated woman
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Related reading: Funny (but unfortunately true) things about making out in a joint family

What more can she do?

Kamalini’s quandary might seems frivolous to others, but here is a woman, an engineer working in construction sites the whole day. She has two children to look after, comes back home to cook and clean in a joint family and is sleep deprived.

struggles n scars native

Do you have similar experiences of sleep deprivation because of your partner’s snoring? Can you give Kamalini some tips on how to solve this problem of her husband’s snoring? Leave your comments below.

His snoring adds rhythm to my life

No sex, please, we’re married

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2 Comments

  1. Kamilini’s husband can be recommended to use CPAP machine to reduce snoring. Continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) therapy is a common treatment for obstructive sleep apnea.

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