My wife and I agreed to marry each other as we were both were getting on in age. (I got married at the age of 38 years). But I realised later that we are not compatible. I’m no more myself. I’m not attracted to her and don’t want to be intimate with her. For the sake of having a baby, we are having sex. It’s been two years without any result. I’m trying to be complete in everything, that’s my nature. About her, she is not beautiful, has lots of ego, doesn’t love my family, tries to dominate me so we fight often. She doesn’t want to be beautiful. She feels it’s not important. She even knows that I am not attached to her. She is not smart so she doesn’t attract me. I’m not saying she should be very beautiful or very smart, I’m just saying she should maintain a personality which should attract me which will make me fall in love with her, which is not happening.
Four times she has tried to leave home after our fights. Last time she went up to the railway station. I don’t know what to do. Whether I can continue whole life without my emotions attached to her only for the sake of society. Should we separate? Not caring for society but for the benefit of both of us. The thing is that we both know that separation will cause us both stress so we are continuing. What do I do?
Prachi Vaish says:
Dear Mr. Kumar,
Being stuck in a loveless, attraction-less marriage can indeed be very stressful.
Loveless marriage: From everything that you have described, it sounds like neither of you have any gains from this marriage and nothing to look forward to. In fact, I would say that it is a good thing that you haven’t had a child yet because bringing a child into an equation like this is extremely unfair. I would suggest is that you both put your defensive walls aside once and sit down and talk like adults.
It’s not too late: You are both in your early 40s, it may not be too late to start over and find a partner who makes life worth living. You still have at least 30 years of life left and if you are sticking to this one because of society, then all I can say is that the society will not live your life for you two.
You both deserve happiness: Give yourself and your wife a chance at happiness and either find a couple therapist who can help you build compatibility or discuss the options of separation.