I can’t control my anger and it causes fights.

can't control anger

Q: My relationship is 4 years old, but we both always fight and I have no control over my anger, so a little thing converts into a large issue always. How do I control my anger? 

A: I would first want to congratulate you for having taken the first step to recovery; acceptance of the issue that you are facing. Anger has so many facets to it and is hard to pinpoint the exact reasons why some people’s anger runs higher and more out of hand than others. In a lot of cases, anger sustains itself because of the secondary “benefit” it brings with it, that is, it gets the job done. However, most jobs done with anger do a lot to the angry person too.

Despite the individual differences in experience and expression of anger as a universal human emotion, it has few common threads running through it. Anger is largely seen tightly associated and correlated with high demands of “proper” conduct and conditions from self, other and/or life in general. These demands present themselves in sentences such as, “I must/should/have to…” “You must/should/have to…” and “Life must/should/have to…” These demands surpass desires in their rigidity and compulsiveness.

When these desires are not fulfilled, which is most of the time for most of us, we end up thinking negatively about self, others or life and hence starting and feeding the cycle of anger.

I would really like you to reach out and get some professional assistance in form of counselling and therapy.

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