Q: I’ve been in a love marriage for 6 years. I found out that he had gotten in touch with his ex and had intimate relationship with her. He says he is sorry now, but he has been violent and abusive with me. I have lost faith and trust in him. I don’t look at him the same way anymore. Often I’ve thought of leaving, but the thought of my son and family stops me. I’m unable to forget the past and the pain I went through. What should I do?
A: Suffering in one relationship in order to save others sounds gallant, but may not always be a functional thing to do. Especially when it is a relationship of not a peripheral kind but one of the most core and intimate relationships we have, our marriage. You’re not talking about enduring a ‘friend’ you do not like for a couple of hours to keep the group together. You are talking about living with a husband who cheated on you and has been physically violent and abusive to you. I rarely give strong advice, but I would say if I were you I would leave. I would have a conversation with your son (assuming he is 5) and make sure that he knows it is not his fault that mom and dad are not staying together for a bit.
The answer to the question everyone wants to know- Can you be friends with your exes?
You need some physical distance in order to send a clear message to your husband that his behaviour is not acceptable under any circumstances. This distance may also help you process your emotions too. I would highly recommend grievance counselling for you. I hope that your family supports your decision and if not I hope you find confidence in your own resolve to better your marriage and give it a chance before divorce.Published in