Affair and Cheating

Here’s how I discovered I was polyamorous

She loves her husband and has a happy marriage, but she still wants relationships with other men. Perhaps the answer is polyamory
sad lady thinking about relationship

(As told to Shahnaaz Khan)

I always wanted to fall in love

I love love – from the time I was a rosy-eyed teen, love seemed the best thing that could happen to me. Study, career, friends and family were all side dishes to the main course of love. After a string of is-he, is-he-not boyfriends, I finally fell in love at 22.

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Should I tell my husband that I cheated on him?

He plays around but I’m not supposed to

When this couple wanted to transition from an open marriage to a traditional one

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  1. The fact that she is waiting to get caught instead of getting divorce in the first place shows the characterless behaviour of the above woman. By the way, you can’t cheat and claim to be in love with your partner at the same time. Marriage is a bond of exclusivity and upon discovering her polymorous nature, her only honest option is a divorce. No need to juggle with other selfish options. It seems she is keeping her husband around for financial support.

  2. We Indians take the moral high ground when it comes to societal rules or telling others what to do. We play the high and mighty. And then we watch crappy porn and fantasise ourselves. I would suggest OP to be honest with your hubby. He deserves as much. But also get ready to deal with the consequences. You never know, maybe he will be ok with it as well. I personally know of some western couples who have an open relationship. They’re happy with their spouse, but they also explore with other people. Nobody has any right to judge anybody.

  3. I fully agree with you. The moral of the whole process is that freedom has its limits. You enter a contract, you keep up your part of the contractual responsibility. You don’t change the contract in the middle. If you want to break a contract, fine! But such a breaking of the contract at one partner’s whims and fancies should not cause no harm to the other person in the contract.

    And marriage is a social contract.

  4. These **** are the reasons why we fear to marry. No morality nothing. Ungrateful unscrupulous *****. Feeling really bad for that hapless husband being unaware of his characterless wife with loose morale.

  5. inform u r husband u want commitment but you’re body want multiple partners to get satisfied.

    if he gives u divorce so be it.

    don’t keep u r husband in shadow and do it at his back.

    1. Good, but confused suggestion. Why there should be any commitment like you have suggested?

      How can the husband be committed fully knowing that his wife will be sleeping around with lots of men?

  6. Cheating and then getting divorced is the worst thing. If you surely know that you are polyamorous, then tell your monogamous husband to give you a divorce.

    I am quite perplexed. How do you know that polyamory will work for you? They way I see it, you will be treated as a sex object by multiple men. Isn’t that demeaning for a modern and educated woman? What if you get pregnant from your lovers and you do not who the father was? How will you explain his/her identity to the society? Who is the father? What will be the impact on him/her? In ancient times and even today, sex workers give birth to children out of formal wedlock. So similar fate may await your children if you have any from multiple partners.

    I think that greed has taken over you and you have lost all senses. Marriage has been defined as a monogamous relationship based on trust and commitment. It has worked fairly well with its attendant shortcomings. But if you challenge the system, then what alternative are you proposing for its replacement?

    The problem is that your lust for multiple partners is going to break your husband and he may not be able to recover from the shame. And he is not conservative in his sexual leanings.

    I suggest that you directly ask your husband and take a divorce. The earlier you leave monogamy and take the high road to being a whore, the better.

    1. Youre no one to judge and have no right to call her a whore…respect another woman as you respect your mother…as for desire men are way more advanced i their lustrour adventures

      1. Shayla:

        Judging another’s action/views is a part of societal activity. If judging was a taboo, then we would not have courts in a democratic society.

        Cheating is a crime (though unlike stealing, killing, raping etc., which cause financial and physical harm). Cheating causes irreversible emotional harm. So, if the society comes to know that someone has cheated, then the rules are broken. In that case members of that society have a right to publically shame that person, because she/he broke rules. There is nothing like absolute freedom. You cannot expect to do anything you want and not be held accountable. I think you are too naive to understand these deeper aspects of how a society functions. With more maturity you will. As an aide, just think of a club where members are obligated to act according to rules. If one breaks/defies the rules, the club authority can rescind the membership. Same thing here. You function within a society, and hence are obligated by specific rules.

        Finally, if my mother (who is no longer on this planet where we live) had an extra marital affair, then I would not have any qualms of conscience of calling her a whore, even though I acknowledge that she is my biological mother. A crime is a crime and the person engaging in it must be labelled that way.

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