Men avoiding marriage is an occurrence that’s getting only popular with time. Wonder why? We’ll look at the different reasons why this is happening with such rapidity in the modern society of today. With the rise in live-in and polyamorous relationships, people are not only delaying marriage but are considering doing away with it altogether. The relationship between men and marriage is quickly changing as more and more of them realize the futility and pointless weight of it.
What do we fear the most in life, apart from death, of course? The end of our freedom or the end of all our dreams, right? Losing our independence is something we all tacitly fear the most and fight against at all costs. When a person loses their freedom and autonomy, it can feel like the surrender of the soul. In short, a form of death before death comes when your freedom is taken away. And it’s surprising that people wonder if there are reasons not to get married?
Losing yourself, giving up on your hopes and dreams, and having to change yourself are some of the worst things to happen to a person. And what’s even more bizarre is that millions of people across the world are living that life constantly by getting married. I am not saying marriage is the worst thing in the world. If it works for you, then more power to you! People are still indeed getting married. But let’s think about it this way: How many married people are actually living their dream life?
And this is why men avoiding marriage shouldn’t come off as something surprising or unnatural. It’s high time people understand the futility of marriage and the problems that always accompany it, no matter how beautiful it might look in those wedding pictures. It’s this that you have to understand if you want to get behind the reasons why men don’t want to get married anymore.
10 Reasons It’s Perfectly Okay to Never Get Married
“Father, I don’t want to get married ever. Instead, I want to move to Ecuador, get a house by the beach and live my dream life with a couple of dogs and a closet full of the finest wine. Hope that sounds okay?” Sounds fantastic, doesn’t it?
At the peak of your relationship with your other half, you might be convinced that marriage is the right and next logical step. But remember that 70% of the convincing was done by society already for it always told you that marriage was the be-all and end-all of your life. But life after the wedding just isn’t the same. Yup, there is even such a thing known as post-wedding depression, which is the first indication of the realization that perhaps this wasn’t the right decision for you.
And if you think it’s just men, you couldn’t be more wrong. There are barely any benefits of marriage for a woman either. They often have to choose between their careers and marriage, and more often than not, the former is left behind. And once the baby arrives, the largest part of the responsibilities fall on their head and it is just hard work, work and work from then on.
Married life brings far too many tribulations, responsibilities, arguments, and restrictions that can be well avoided if you just skip tying the knot. Men who never marry can often end up living happier and more satisfying lives just because they don’t have many responsibilities and duties to fulfill. So if you’re on the fence about whether marriage is the right choice for you, irrespective of your relationship status, we can help you out a little bit.
You need to understand why marriage is not important from a wider lens, as opposed to what you have always been told. Here are 10 reasons behind men avoiding marriage that you should consider as well and carefully weigh in with your own wants and needs.
Related Reading: I Don’t Believe In Love And Marriage
1. You do not need a reason to be with your partner forever
Caseylsh, a user on Reddit, says, “The concept of marriage was created by religion. A unification under god. Before the tax benefits. That’s why the Christians were so upset about gays getting married. I am not religious. And I frankly don’t see the legal benefits of marriage as worth it. Humans existed and started families for literally hundreds of thousands of years before someone came along roughly 5,000 years ago and made it ‘official’.
“I do not need paperwork to affirm I’m in a relationship. I also don’t need more paperwork should I choose to not want to be with that person anymore. A perfectly reasonable and human thing to do. There are billions of people on this earth, it’s stupid to pretend someone might like me forever.” We’ve all been in long or short relationships, had our ‘forever’ moments and pinkie promises with partners we promised to love and cherish forever. But the mistake that we make is thinking that this ‘forever’ should culminate in marriage.
I was once in a long-term relationship, spanning more than 10 years. While we were the perfect couple to our friends and relatives, and everybody was planning our wedding, I would always question the need to get married in the first place and keep thinking of reasons to not get married.
Did you need a social custom when you made promises to each other? Why do you need one now to fulfill them? If you don’t believe in traditional practices by default, like me, it could be one of the signs you should never get married. And what’s the harm in that? Love freely and live your life to the fullest! After a lot of pondering, I finally went out there and said, “I don’t want to get married!”, and was thrilled with my decision. One of the primary reasons behind men avoiding marriage is that they don’t want some label to define what they have.
2. The idea of marriage limits our thinking
If you’re wondering why not get married, then think about this long and hard. Step back and take a trip down memory lane to think about the ecosystem most of us grew up in. We saw everybody around us get married and then build a life together from scratch… from finding an apartment to raising kids, and everything that came after. Growing up watching adults getting married made us yearn for the same, constantly.
As children, those weddings and marriages fueled our imaginations immensely because at the back of our minds we always assumed that we HAVE to get married someday. But did you ever step back and think that perhaps you don’t want to get married? That it was only the packaging that seemed attractive? As for me, that’s not the kind of life I would want for myself.
To add more perspective to the same, Guilty_slide621, a Reddit user says, “I guess it depends where you live. In German-speaking Europe, not getting married is way more popular than sticking a ring on it.” There aren’t that many benefits of marriage for a man and realizing this can save you a lot of time, energy, and money.
3. Why marriage is not important – A deadline for your dreams
The 20s are a time to chase your dreams and discover parts of yourself you didn’t know you had inside you. The world isn’t stopping for anyone so you have to pick up your own pace. A lot of people these days don’t want to get married because it puts a pin in their goals and life plans. You then have to shift and mold everything as per your marriage and the requirements of your partner. In the process, somewhere along the line, your dreams and career die an untimely death.
When do you get the time to fulfill your dreams at all? Do you think you are going to have a happy married life if you have to compromise your dreams to get married? Maybe this is the reason why, despite having an otherwise perfect relationship, I never dreamed of getting married. For me, fitting according to society was never something I could remain comfortable with. A lot of the men avoiding marriage do so because they just aren’t ready to give up on their dreams because of what society dictates.
Related Reading: Six Ways Couples Can Achieve Work-Life Balance
4. After marriage, everyone else’s life becomes your priority
When he doesn’t want to marry you or when she says that she’s better off not tying the knot, it is not necessarily because your partner does not want you. Perhaps, they just do not want the added family pressures that come with tying the knot. And that is bound to happen at any cost. It is not bad that you are supposed to take care of the people around you. But doing that at the cost of your happiness is what I was, and am, personally against.
Along with your new husband/wife and impressing your in-laws, many new people make an entry into your life. There are good chances, with good reason, why you don’t want them in your lives. After all, you have a relationship with a person, not with their whole family, yes? This is another of the many reasons why men don’t marry and do you really blame them?
Do you or your partner have the time, money and resources to water all those relationships? Yes, one cannot deny that you would be surrounded by love but it is your call to decide whether it is worth all the new relationships you will have to work on. Maybe, it’s just not for your thing. It’s not right to blame you for not wanting all the other things that come attached with marriage. The benefits of marriage for a man are easily outweighed by the other alternative, which is not marrying altogether.
5. As if breakups were not enough, divorce makes things even worse
One of the major benefits of men avoiding marriage is preventing the whole legal and personal drama that comes with a possible divorce in the future. If you’re on the brink of planning a wedding, I’m sorry to bring up divorce with you already. But some necessary truths are important to hear. So take this as one of the prime reasons to not get married in the first place. As if marriage is not already a legal hotchpotch, divorce ensures large amounts of your pocket get transferred to that of the lawyers’.
Tincanbrain, a Reddit user says, “Almost half of all marriages end up in divorce, which makes me question the purpose behind marriage in the first place. Plus, divorce is a long-drawn-out legal battle that saps your resources and continues to do so even after the proceedings. Sometimes, even with a prenup involved, the divorce doesn’t really go down smoothly. Marriage just feels like you’re setting yourself up for financial and mental pain in the future, so why do it?”
When we put our heart and soul into a relationship and it doesn’t work out, it breaks our heart to walk out of it. But we know the relationship was completely our responsibility, and in most cases, the end of a relationship affects only two people involved in it. What happens when you are married and decide to walk away? Why should a man get married these days when divorce has a large statistical probability? And, of course, all the drama that always accompanies it.
I have met couples who had mutually decided to part ways by opting for divorce by mutual consent, and all hell broke loose when their families found out. Do you really want to put your families and future kids through that? The relationship between men and marriage is one riddled with responsibilities and burdens aplenty. Why take them on your head voluntarily when you can easily avoid them?
6. Every person has a different character
One of the prime reasons not to get married is that there is a good chance you will end up with the wrong person. People are all too different and it can take years to get to know them, only to realize that they don’t compliment you or your personality at all. Maybe you find her silence to be charming, but with time, realize that she’s too quiet all the time and you want someone to talk to and listen to. It might be that you’re infatuated and you mistook it for love only to regret it after a certain period.
Time changes aspects of people more than we often realize. By marrying someone, we essentially proclaim that they’re forever going to be the same as they are, and so would we. When our priorities and requirements change with years, if not months, how can we not expect the same of the other person? This is one of the major issues I have with the concept of marriage is this expectation that you two will live forever happily, ever after. It’s too much like a fairy tale, and like them, the concept is fictional too.
Some have trust issues, some find it difficult to share rooms with others and there are so many other problems that you may have to deal with on a daily basis in your married life. Imagine being with somebody who thinks fundamentally differently from you and this starts making you dislike everything about them? Trust me, that’s a good enough reason for someone to say, “I don’t want to get married at all.” Lots of men avoiding marriage do that because they realize that the future is uncertain and to pretend otherwise is the most naive thing one can do.
7. Family involvement can put people off the idea of marriage
Family makes things all the more complicated. We all do love our families despite all the disagreements or problems. But it is not fair to expect that one fine day we get married and love a whole new family just like we love our own. If you’re unlucky, you might just find yourself in a very dysfunctional family setting. One can try, but it becomes very easy to find fault in a new family and it is not always easy to love them like your own.
For me, things were all lovey-dovey in our live-in relationship and I have to admit that we had a perfect equation before our families decided to play a role in it. When two families are forced to come together, they can bring in problems a couple couldn’t have ever imagined would exist in the first place. One big why men don’t want to get married anymore is because they don’t want to go through the whole process of bringing the two families together to live with a person they’re already living with.
To avoid their families interfering in their affairs is why men don’t marry a lot of times. The relatives, the friends, it often becomes too much and it’s alright if you don’t want to get in the middle of all these affairs.
Related Reading: 10 Family Values That Help You Forever In Life
8. We have to give up our dearest thing – independence
Honestly, one does not even need that many reasons not to get married. Because this one reason itself is enough to question the relevance of this institution. Just when you start to love your independent life, away from home, spending your own money on all the things you wanted to, finishing all the things you had on your bucket list for so long, you have to give it all up and take new responsibilities for another person, even if that means compromising your happiness. How does that even make sense?
And this is why I think smart men don’t get married altogether. Now you might counterargue with the fact that a lot of smart and rich people have married, so are they all stupid? Well, there can be several reasons behind their marriage. Perhaps they want a successor to their legacy, maybe their priorities in life differ, or maybe they want to keep up with appearances. No matter what the reason, it doesn’t mean that marriage suddenly ceases to become a bag of responsibilities without any reason, does it?
Let’s say you just started living the life you always wanted to. You moved to another city or country to find a job. Perhaps you got into a live-in relationship, and everything seemed happy and joyful. That is until your parents and friends started asking you if marriage was on the horizon. Maybe career is your priority, or maybe you just want the freedom and space that a relationship without marriage has. But that’s never easily taken as an answer by parents, is it?
By marrying, one gets tied to a social and biological commitment where they are answerable for everything to their partner. And depending upon how your partner is, each aspect of your life is impacted, often in a negative way. After marrying, there’s an added pressure, all over again. When are you two having kids? Do you really think if you marry to appease your parents and relatives, they’ll just stop after your marriage? That’s the thing about expectations, they never stop, only shift from one to another.
Why should a man get married these days when there are only added responsibilities that get attached without any reason? When you can live with the same person who wants to marry you (or whom you want to marry) without marriage, why add an additional burden for no reason at all? Some people like having these responsibilities, the reason behind why do men get married in the first place. But it might not be something for you, and it’s alright!
Thetokenwan, a Reddit user, opines, “Understand that the reasons I’m about to give are from my perspective only and the perspective of people I’ve spoken to about the topic. With that said, I am not against marriage. I believe that the government has no place in interpersonal relationships. Plus, some people feel that the tradition of a civil union is outdated and in some cases sexist. Overall, marriages in America also have a horrible rate of ending in divorce.”
9. You were not born to fulfill everyone’s expectations
From the time you were born, you have been trying to be fitted into some kind of role and been given responsibilities you probably didn’t even want in the first place. It starts with fulfilling your parents’ expectations. And then your teachers’ and professors’ expectations, and later on, it shifts to the expectations of your bosses. But with marriage on the cards, you now have to fulfill your spouse’s expectations too! And then if kids come into the picture… You see where this is going, right?
The list of marriage roles and responsibilities does not ever end. It’s your life, and no matter what society or your family feeds you, it’s your choice to do what you want to do with it. If you like taking and fulfilling responsibilities, if it adds meaning to your life, good for you. But if they bog you down, and take away your individuality, maybe it’s time you sat down and asked yourself what it is that you want.
It doesn’t have to always be that way. Take some time and re-evaluate if this is the life you want for yourself. You should have your time to breathe easy and relax too. Don’t be bound by these social constructs of what your role in a marriage should be. This is one of the biggest reasons for men not marrying anymore. And the benefits of marriage for a woman are hardly any, why they’re doing away with the concept of marriage as a necessity.
Related Reading: Expectations In Relationships: The Right Way To Manage Them
10. Loneliness won’t be an issue after a certain point
Why do people get married? More often than not, it’s because they want to experience a lasting sense of companionship and never be alone. The fear of being alone is ingrained in us and getting married is often presented as the perfect alternative to us by society. We’re told that once our parents are gone and if we don’t have kids, we’d need some kind of family to hold onto. But loneliness will never be a long-standing issue, I can assure you that.
If you’re constantly given examples of how men who didn’t marry ended up lonely and sad, you can also give examples of men who never marry but end up living a meaningful and happy life. It’s all about perspective when it comes right down to it. A lot of smart men don’t get married because they realize that by keeping the agency of their personal life and not handing it to society and lawyers, they’re keeping their lives simple and happier.
If all you worry about is coming home to someone at the end of the day, better get a dog and consider all the other reasons we told you above of why not to get married. Besides, having dogs is any day better than having human partners. Having a cute pup will also make you look more desirable when chatting with the singles at the park if you’re single yourself and available. It serves the purpose and is much less demanding.
You don’t need another 101 reasons not to get married because trust me, these 10 that I’ve come up with should be enough. there can be a few reasons why do men get married but there are even more reasons why they shouldn’t and don’t, increasingly.
At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself if you want to drag lawyers into your personal life for no reason at all. Because isn’t that what marriage is? A social and legal commitment? Do you really want that on top of your personal commitments? Aren’t they enough as it is? So, take my words on it and hop onto the, “I don’t want to get married!” bandwagon for your sake.
There are numerous reasons why people don’t want to get married. Some are choosing their own financial independence and personal priorities over marrying somebody. For some, getting married brings a horde of responsibilities that they’re now slowly realizing can be avoided altogether.
There are plenty of good reasons not to get married. You don’t have to deal with a whole new family, you can save up a lot of money for yourself and never have to worry about the hassles of divorce when you want to break up with somebody.
It is important to some and others just don’t want to get married. At the end of the day, it is a personal decision. However, these days, men not marrying is common because of the imposed responsibilities that come with it. Never mind the hassles of alimony and the custody of children in case of a breaking off.
Why should it not be? If it’s a personal preference and something that a person wants, then there is absolutely no reason why they cannot lead a single life. Besides, there are many people who are happily single out there too who never want to get married. There are several advantages of living a solitary and peaceful life, devoid of all the conflicts and responsibilities that inadvertently come with partners and kids.
Even though we have forever been told that it is, let me break your bubble and inform you that it is not. There are plenty of reasons why you shouldn’t get married. Lasting independence and having all the time in the world for your dreams are just a few of them. Moreover, breaking away from society and doing what you please has its own thrill.
You do you! Do what you please and lead your life as you want it to. Don’t give in to the demands and responsibilities that society will try to throw on your back. Always think of all the advantages and disadvantages of the decision that you make. It’s easy to go with what everyone says, but you might regret it later, but then you won’t have as many choices as you have now.