Counselling

I escaped from my abusive marriage but the experience has left me feeling broken

I feel broken at times and think why did it happen and moreover, I think why me?
close up of sad woman looking out the window

Question:

Dear Ma’am,

I left my in-laws’ house within a month of marriage as I could not bear the torture. Also, they used to ask me to get money from my parents. I walked out as I was a chartered accountant and knew that if I fulfill their first demand, then the demands are just going to keep on increasing. My husband never called me up after the parents met.

Now I feel I have taken the right decision as he did not deserve me. He was not interested in me. He was only interested in money as I was the only child.

But sometimes I feel why this has happened to me. I feel lonely at times as I stay quiet all the time. I get stuck while doing a task and then those instances of torture come back in my mind and play over and over again. I feel broken at times and think why did it happen and moreover, I think why me? I feel weak at times as I just don’t want to face this situation and want to run away from all this… How to fight with such situations?

relationship counselling

Prachi Vaish says:

Dear Lady,

The worst part is over.

Congratulations: First of all, hats off to you for gathering the strength to walk out of an abusive marriage and household. I can only [restrict] imagine the courage it would have taken.

Good decision: The feelings that you are struggling with that make you feel low are actually very natural hindsight reactions. To deal with them you need to remind yourself that they are just emotions and that they are temporary and they will come in phases. Emotions are instinctive reactions and not facts. They sometimes tend to make you question your decisions and make you feel bad about yourself. But the fact is that you couldn’t have taken a better decision than you did, and nothing can change that fact!

So I suggest that every time you get hit with any of these negative emotions, stop everything and just sit quietly for 5-10 minutes. Don’t try to analyse them or distract yourself. Take deep breaths and let those feelings wash over you and remind yourself again and again that this is just a temporary emotion – not a truth and that it will pass in a few moments and then I can get back to my life.
Try this, and I can assure you it will help.

Seek counselling: If you still feel you need additional help, don’t hesitate to seek a counsellor who can teach you coping skills that will make you stronger.

All the very best to you!
Prachi

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