I am a 26-year-old woman. I had an arranged marriage with the scion of a wealthy family in Kolkata. On the wedding night, I found out that my husband is gay and his partner shared the nuptial bed with him, instead of me. Things have gotten steadily worse. His family will not let me go; my family wants me to adjust. He laughs at my helplessness as he and his partner walk around the house arm in arm. I feel like killing myself.
Deepak Kashyap says:
You are going through a really tough time at the moment. I can imagine it may have disorienting effects on you and undermine your confidence to deal with your situation and gain more control over your life than you feel you have currently. I can understand the helplessness that your question seems to show.
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The good news is, the fact that you have sent me a question makes me think that you haven’t lost all hope, regardless of what temporary moments of intense sadness make you believe. The following things might be of interest to you in gaining perspective of the situation and hence devising your own plan to deal with it.
First, ask yourself the following questions: Why do I choose to live with an obviously unkind and dysfunctional man and in an unhappy and unfulfilling marriage? Is it his money? Or my love for him? Is it my own lack of skills, degree or willingness to deal with life independent of him? Am I too scared of coming across as a bad wife, daughter-in-law, or worse, a bad daughter to my family and immediate social circles? Do I think I am capable of creating happiness on my own? Which one of these is causing me to feel helpless when I have resort to the law of the land?
Once you have answered these questions for yourself honestly and in the quiet of your mind, you may be able to devise a plan to resolve the situation; for example, by striving towards economic independence by finding a job and slowly moving out of the toxicity of the existing environment.
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If there is physical abuse and coercive detaining in the house, then do involve the police from the very start of this process. Also remember that this process will not be easy. It will make your life inconvenient for sure for the short run. However, it’s not impossible.
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