My MIL is a dangerous lady and I believe my husband blindly follows her. Recently we had a baby and everyone was happy, but my MIL was creating unnecessary problems. When I was in the hospital for delivery she used to say that she has never taken care of any baby and she doesn’t know how to handle a baby. No one was any way expecting her to do anything, as everybody knows her. Then one day she did some random unnecessary task for baby and kept telling everybody that she has done a lot for this baby.
I am at my mother’s place right now. Recently she came here, took my baby in her arms and said the baby has reduced so much and is not looking good and what not! My baby is totally fine. Now again she wants me to come to Sasural. I know I will face a lot of problems there. She will tell me to do all household work and will keep on taunting me although I have not yet recovered from my C-section.
I told all this to my husband but he thinks that his mom will help me. He does not understand. What to do? I am thinking of ignoring him totally. Won’t receive his call or reply his text anymore. What do you suggest ma’am?
Snigdha Mishra says:
Dear New Mother,
I can understand that having a baby and going through your relationship [restrict] issues with the mother-in-law must be taking an emotional toll on you.
About your mother-in-law: From the first two paragraphs, it seems that you’re concentrating on what your MIL says and does. It also clarifies that you do understand her nature and character. So what really is the issue?
With regard to your MIL, please answer these questions for your mental peace:
Will your mother-in-law change?
Do you expect her to change?
How are her character and personality an issue right now, when you have a baby to take care of?
What is more important to you right now, Caring for yourself and your baby or your MIL?
About your husband: Coming to the headline of your email, ‘relationship issue with the husband because of MIL’, dear girl, between your MIL and hubby, who is more important to you?
Which relationship must you concentrate on, if you want you and your hubby to be happy?
Most importantly, your husband knows his mother as her son, whereas you know her as her daughter-in-law. There will always be a difference in perspective no matter how bad your mother-in-law is. These relationships are fragile, the more you poke your hubby about how bad your MIL is, he will mostly take it has his mother being spoken badly about. He may see that the mother is wrong, but it’s not necessary that he may say the same to you.
Learn some tact in handling your hubby when it comes to handling his mother. Put yourself in his shoes and think. If he were to speak about your mother, no matter how true he may be, you may not like it.
Why to cut off from your husband? How will cutting off from your husband help? How will not replying to his texts and calls help your relationship with him? Instead of making the issue about your MIL, make it about your and baby’s comfort and that it’s too much for you to commute, etc. with a tiny baby and c-section. Use your comfort at the mother’s house as a reasonable way to let him know. You can also tell him that since you’ve had a C-section you’re physically unfit right now and coming to MIL will be burdensome for her. You will of course come, but when you’re in a better physical health and can help the MIL.
Hope this helps!