Raksha Bharadia engaged relationship expert and psychologist Deepak Kashyap to discuss the interpersonal relationship dynamics of straight people.
According to the article, Kashyap argues:
Instead of giving women the same right to sleep with other men or whoever they choose to, it took away that right from men to sleep with other women, in order to make things equal.
Feminism imposed monogamy as the higher model to follow. Monogamy became moral, not just practical. Monogamy is practical. It takes so much more energy to maintain multiple lovers. But the fact is, humans are the only species that can simultaneously be in love with two or more people genuinely.
Related reading: My wife wants to have sex with the man whose wife I fantasise about
This great article reminded me of my sexual journey.
The nirvana of a perfect relationship is sealed with unconquerable love, great sex, commitment, duality in a single unit, honesty, etc. These are the perfect ingredients of what anyone aspires to achieve.
This is the blueprint of human relationships, in the quest for companionship, but I learnt the hard way that this isn’t necessarily the dynamic that sated me.
Have I always thought of it that way? Yes, I believe so, but it took me a while to realise that I loved more than one person. Does me being gay contribute to this thought process? Perhaps the subculture of homosexuality did contribute to my state of mind, as sexuality is a fluid concept. Let me explain.
Love can be experienced with more than one person. In order to experience it with multiple people, the normal course is that you would be in a relationship then break up and meet someone else, right? Well, that’s how most people experience it and agree on that ‘righteous’ concept. But there’s another way, the one where you experience love and express that in acts of affection and ultimately, in the act of sex/lovemaking with multiple partners separately or perhaps in a polyamorous arrangement.
At some point, sex becomes just a practical means to achieving a sense of release, relief; gratification is the element that we all seek, if one is honest.
I am not afraid to admit it; after a string of attempted stock standard relationships I’ve found that my best experiences of sex that fulfilled my emotional tank and physical was as I am now. Where I am single and able to engage with a trusting number of individuals.
You, reading this, can define this as ‘friends with benefits’ and others might consider this pretty much slutty.
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One of these ‘friends’ – let us call him Nikhil – is bisexual and in this unique case at the time was separated from his wife. I met him as a friend and this progressed to the situation of us being ‘f*ck buddies’. This relationship remained just that: there was a need and we fulfilled that desire regularly.
The dynamic, however, changed after some time. Nikhil reconciled with his wife and confessed his sexual orientation to her. He couldn’t deal with the label of infidelity and his wife wanted to know everything in order to understand him. He eventually revealed my identity to her. Some would have expected this traditional Indian wife to opt for a divorce, but she did not.
After hearing him out she decided that it was perfectly fine, so long as I was the only person he engaged with. After his admission to me about his renewed marital status, I wasn’t surprised or concerned about the revelation. I was rather impressed. With an Indian couple, you would not necessarily find this situation being handled this way.
It has been years and they are still together as a family and as for me, I am still single and in touch with Nikhil. We are still good ‘friends’.
Can one consciously engage in loving sex with a third person and not see this as infidelity? Absolutely. I broke the rules of that societal moral fabric and today I’m happy and so are my ‘friends’.
Here is what Dr Kelly Neff from The Lucid Planet has to say about the concept of polyamory.