I love my husband but we have issues

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Hello Sir,

I want to save my marriage which is getting ruined day by day for both of us. I had tried many things. Now my head is just blocked. I don’t know what to do. I love him a lot but the fighting doesn’t stop.

Things are very small, like me not getting up early on weekends, whatever I do is not correct from his point of view like; not praying daily in the morning, throwing away of leftover eatables. I get blamed that during marriage my parents couldn’t do much, also they didn’t provide me with household items.  I am reminded every day that he is providing me with so much and I should be thankful to him for that. Whatever my parents gave it is considered as the worst and whatever his family is providing is declared the best. I never comment on his family but every time I get to hear lots of things for my family. 

It’s not like that I am completely disagreeing to whatever he says, I have supported him where ever I felt there was mistake in our part at the time of marriage. I have always been compared to every woman in the family. I never spoke about all this till now but now I am just fed up of all these things. Because of these cruel fights, I had a miscarriage as well just two month ago. Initially it was only argument but this time it was a lot more than that, I will not say that I have not replied but yes I was not the first one for misbehave. It’s been 3 days and we r not talking and it’s not that I cannot talk but I want to understand where am I wrong. Please help me.

I love my husband, that’s why I am trying to save my marriage and I know we will not be happy if we will not be with each other. If it comes to his qualities, I like his helping nature to others, he doesn’t restrict me from going out, he is as good as me with my friend’s even sometimes better than me. The trust between us is high and if we are in good terms he takes my suggestions as well.

Related reading: A symphony in love

Most important I have never talked to anyone about this with my parents because they will get stressed. This is the reason I choose to write to you.

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Dear Friend,

The very fact that you love your husband and want to save your marriage, despite almost everything going against you, means you feel things can change and become better.

If things have to become better, is there something that you can contribute to? Or you would like to do your bit only after your husband becomes better and more responsible?

Remember, fights happen between two participants. If one of you keeps quiet, there cannot be a fight. But ego holds us back from keeping quiet.

The issues raised by you as objections by your husband are simple and can be corrected. From this email one cannot tell who is more stubborn or hurtful. In case it is you who is reluctant to change or are rigid -this behaviour of yours triggers bad temper and he wants to hurt you be saying things that relate to your parents and wedding gifts. The culture in your husband family is different from that of yours. While you cannot be expected to change yourself, but he is not wrong in expecting you to improve where there is scope. Probably because he sees reluctance, he gets angry.

And now, if it is your husband who is ill tempered or ill-mannered and beyond repair, you should be making it clear to him that unless he modifies his communication, it would be difficult for you to change in any way and things shall continue to worsen for both.

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