Counselling

I proposed but she only wants to be friends. How can I move on?

Boy in Depression

Q: I fell in love with a girl. I proposed to her but she said that we are better as friends. How can I move on?

A: Ah, the age-old dilemma of moving on after the rejection of a loved one…I know it hurts badly, doesn’t it? But trust me, it will get better. First things first, for some time, sever ALL contact. You’re probably thinking ‘friend zone’ is better than nothing, at least you get to be around; but trust me, if you want to move on, going cold turkey is the only option. You can resume contact later, but not less than 6 months. You can tell her calmly that you need time to process your feelings and it’s not an act of spite. This would help you start your emotional recovery on a positive note. For the next step, if you feel you need a change in life, don’t go berserk all at once. It’s natural to want to drown your sorrows in boozing or smoking, or go to the other extreme and want to try adventure all of a sudden because you want to escape. A word of advice, if you want to try something new, try a new exercise plan, something that tires you to the core for a couple of hours every day. Physical pain and exertion like that has a wonderful way to exorcise emotional pain. Finally, accept your original life minus the person you loved, because let’s face it, you will never be able to escape your routine life completely, so its better to start getting re-used to the same routine without that person. That’s when you’ll know you’ve really been able to put things behind you. A final word, the tenderness, the soft spot and that little pang you feel when you think about her, might always remain but that’s not a bad thing. All you have to aim for, is that it stops hurting and becomes a fond memory. All the best!

Life coach Sanjeev Trivedi lists 10 ways to deal with heartbreak.

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