I was taking a class and the subject was ‘Is the woman responsible for rape?’

Human beings have stopped taking sex seriously

Humans have prided themselves on being at the top of the food chain. Yet, most animals know how to forage or hunt, protect themselves from predators and procreate rather well. I do know that if cows, cats, dogs are not allowed to mate, they suffer frustration and misery even depression. Homo sapiens, however, have very successfully woven a web of conversation that makes them incapacitated to do any of the above without social and religious sanction.

Whenever people communicate transparently, the transfer of knowledge is smooth and complete. Our societies have made it impossible to talk about anything that allows for difficult lessons to be passed on to the next generation. Especially when the subject is sex. So youngsters have very irrational, convoluted ideas about sex.

Related reading: Busting common sexual myths and tips to improve sex life manifold

Who do you blame for rape?

It was the Personality Development class, and the activity was Debate. The subject was “Is the woman responsible for rape?”

Though a majority argued that it was never a woman’s fault, there were a few – 5% male students – who felt that sometimes women provoke rape. As I was the coordinator, I intervened. I asked the boys how and in what circumstances is a woman asking to be raped.

Who do you blame for rape?
Is the woman responsible for rape?

“Ma’am, if she wears revealing clothes, smokes and is openly flirtatious then….”

“So then it’s OK to unzip and start raping her, is it?” I asked.

“No Ma’am, but some men can’t control…”

“Yes, like some men can’t control, and have to pee on the side of the road? How come all women can control?”

“Think, boys, think and speak,” I urged them. Then one boy says, “But Ma’am, most women have less sexual drive, so…” I heard a guffaw burst out at the back of the class. One of the boys shouted that the opposite was true.

I said, “Let’s say, hypothetically – you are at a party and 2 or 3 girls come in. No underwear and soft chiffon short dresses that are see-through. What can you as men do? They are so appealing that all of you have hard-ons.”

Silence. No one spoke.

Related reading: Sex education does not lead to more sex

Learn to pleasure yourself

Learn to pleasure yourself
Learn to pleasure yourself

And then like a primary school teacher I wrote M. A. S. T. U. R. B. A. T. E. on the whiteboard. Then I made them repeat it aloud 3 times for good measure.

A couple of vociferous girls participated in the debate. The rest were embarrassed and quiet… I worry that they could be the victims of such a warped society as ours, in which elders teach their sons that it’s OK to rape.

Many of the English medium students understood. I wondered what the vernacular boys felt – so I asked about orgasms, how boys and girls masturbated differently. I discovered that in Hindi an orgasm is called “santoshi”. Most boys knew what “hilana” meant, but it was used as a derogatory term. Girls had no clue – except for one couple that was lesbian. So, the class proceeded into a quiet 20-minute session of how to masturbate and why. It is the era of the Internet, and all had watched porn. The students were 18 and above and except for Swami who wanted to leave the classroom, as he was taught that masturbating would make a man weak, all the others knew what it entailed.

In my class, we had an understanding that students could leave the class if they were not interested. Attendance would be granted. No one left this class, including Swami. I then explained how nature has designed the male and female adult bodies to serve the purpose of reproduction. Humans, however, evolved it into an act of pleasure to be accessed at all times of the year. Most kids did not know how many orifices each possessed. But now they were keen to know.

Most kids did not know how many orifices each possessed. But now they were keen to know.

Discover your own body first

In order to have a meaningful sexual interaction and an honest loving relationship, you need to know how to make your partner happy. You may be able to do so by reciting a poem or singing to them. However, the soul inhabits the body to be able to experience the sensory delights of the body you were born with. And so there is sex, but it is no good when you have love, passion and commitment, if you yourself do not know what pleases you. That is why you must do your homework.

Explore each and every part of your body. Start by imagining how beautiful each part is and acknowledging that you are perfect, whole, complete and loving.

Start by imagining how beautiful each part is and acknowledging that you are perfect, whole, complete and loving.

This narcissistic exercise frees you from shame, guilt and fear, and therefore removes hate – freeing you and giving you the ability to love yourself. No one can love another if he is incapable of loving himself. Once the taboo of touching one’s genitalia is gone, then you will start on the road to the discovery of all your senses that take you to the divine orgasm.

Be more open

Be more open
women who had discovered how to orgasm by themselves as young girls

I know of several women who had discovered how to orgasm by themselves as young girls. An equal number had never masturbated or experienced an orgasm, because they somehow felt it was their partner’s responsibility. How can you leave such a delightful ingredient in the hands of your mate? You must know yourself and your body first and then guide your lover to experience and enable this ultimate pleasure together.

The number of boys who were very attentive about making their girlfriends happy reassured me. I believe that a society that is less repressed about sex can contribute more productively in all the facets of living, and enhance life with beauty, touch, and contentment.


Readers Comments On “I was taking a class and the subject was ‘Is the woman responsible for rape?’”

  1. Manjari Thakur

    As a young woman, I now look back and understand, how sex is systematically made as a taboo in our Indian Society. I find it so ironical that something as primal and crucial an instinct as sexual impulse is posed something to be feel guilty about. You utter the word “sex” and anyone around you would flinch. There’s no healthy discussion on the importance of understanding your body and your sexual impulse. You have to wait a long way to find the kind of people with a broader mindset who understand the importance of the same, and who can show the possibility of talking healthy about sex. And body issues is not limited to girls only. Even boys go through a lot of issues related to their body image , their sexual impulse which needs counselling. The young generation must be sensitised about this crucial aspect of our body . They must understand that neither sex nor masturbation is a sin. And along with that they should be educated how to understand and take care of their sexual impulses. A much needed write up!

  2. SEX IS A TABOO! No TALKING ABOUT IT IS. Talking about sex makes you besharam, questions your upbringing and many other ALLEGATIONS. we need to change ourselves. Talk about it. That is what this article is about. GOOD.

  3. This is something that every school should include in their curriculum. The kids should be well aware of sex education. They should be taught this from the beginning and even the parents should talk to their kids about it. Sex is not a taboo! It’s high time our society needs to understand this fact and talk more openly about it.

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