I’m in a friends with benefits relationship and I love it

Amandeep Kaur
Two pairs of feet emerging from under the bed sheet

(As told to Amandeep Kaur)

The hall adorned with red scented candles greeted me as I stepped into his house. The shimmer of candles fell on his cheeks and those adorable dimples became prominent as he smiled at me. Looking dapper in his black tuxedo, he came forward, and holding my hand, whispered in my ear “Happy 2nd Anniversary baby”. I was astounded. He remembered our 2nd anniversary, and on top of that, he planned a surprise dinner for me. His habit of surprising me wasn’t new. He would constantly astonish me with surprise visits and gifts. My dream of a romantic boyfriend was coming true and maybe he would soon be my life partner. I was so excited.

He asked how the dinner was and as I began to talk, he cut me short to tell me how each dish was made. He jumped to his love for chicken and then to how he had a skirmish with his boss and went on and on.

While I appreciated him sharing his day, I felt like an audience watching a movie, without a feedback button.

I wanted to share my excitement about my sister’s upcoming wedding and how much my new job sucks, but I couldn’t.

Who’s this guy?

Having finished our dinner, we collapsed onto the couch and I rested my head on his shoulder. He picked up my phone and went through my WhatsApp chats and questioned me about this guy who messages me a lot. “He is my colleague,” I responded, “and we chat generally. He is a nice guy though, very helpful.”

“I can see that he is a nice guy, that’s why you keep on chatting with him. Your last conversation was at 1 a.m yesterday,” he replied.

“What? I can’t ignore him, I work with him. Besides, we’re becoming good friends.”

“Yeah, of course. Now that you are getting along so well, why don’t you make him your boyfriend?” he taunted.

“What the hell! Now I’m barred from making friends?”

“Oh, just don’t say anything, OK!” he answered aggressively. He continued, “How many friends do you need? Your creepy best friend is there. You both keep calling each other. I’m suspicious about you two.”

I couldn’t take any more. “Don’t you dare say anything about my best friend. How dare you question my loyalty? I’ve always been faithful to you but now I can’t take it. I AM BREAKING UP WITH YOU,” I shouted in anger. I banged the door shut on my way out and crying, wondered what I’d just done. I wanted to rant, talk to someone, so I called Raghav, my best friend. I asked him to come to my place.

Related reading: Less than lovers, more than friends

I can tell you anything

As I reached home I saw Raghav waiting for me. I immediately hugged him and cried “I broke up with Sumit” and couldn’t control my tears. He took me to my apartment and calmed me down. He offered me some water and asked “What happened? Tell me everything.”

“He accused me of cheating on him with you. How dare he say that?” I told him the whole thing.

“I trust you Mahi,” proclaimed Raghav. “I know how loyal and dedicated you are. I’m not mad at Sumit, I’m just sorry for him that he failed to notice how amazing and wonderful you are. You always stood by him in those two long years, quit your job and went against everyone, supported him when he was fired and moreover you couldn’t hear a word against me. I’ve seen people back biting but you took a stand for me.”

He reminded me that I’m wonderful, which I’d forgotten for a long time. He brought a smile to my face.

I could kiss you

I loved the way he appreciated me and I leaned towards him and kissed him. Wait, what did I just do? Kissed my best friend? Perplexed, I sat still thinking, when he kissed me back.

I felt compassion, warmth and a feeling of security as he encircled me in his arms. In the heat of the moment, we went ahead and had sex. It was amazing sex, unlike with Sumit.

The evening made my long-term best friend my friend with benefits, with no strings attached. It’s been four months now and I can’t think of a single reason to complain. We can talk endlessly, go out and have fun, have an understanding friend, have some great sex and all this without any unnecessary questions, mistrust and jealousy. I don’t have to tell him where I’m going, to whom I’m talking, who’s this new guy on my friend list. I realised that more important than the romantic surprises were understanding, compassion and friendship.

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Preeti Goyal
Preeti Goyal July 17, 2018 - 2:18 pm

Don’t even think about the movies where the ‘friends with benefits’ end up falling in love. It doesn’t happen always!

But what I feel in this story is that both of them were into each other and were looking g for an opportunity to be together and her boyfriend made them realize it. Thanks to the boyfriend actually!

Rachel August 14, 2017 - 5:44 pm

I was in what I had always ? very open and honest about from the very beginning was a “friend’s with benefits” relationship. But it was always so awkward trying to explain it to anyone, That I started introducing him as my “boyfriend”! Apparently he too had considered himself to be my “boyfriend” too? I recently went my own way, and I am now hearing that he is telling people that he always thought that we would end up getting married! Crazy,but it’s a real good way to end a friendship!

Hridaan August 10, 2017 - 9:18 pm

It is good to see that you two are happy with each other at the moment. But to say there are no strings attached is a bit ambiguous. Its been four months and maybe both of you will feel the void once separated. You have not been tested yet. I think the change of mood at your ex’s house was a bit confusing. It felt as if you two were looking for an opportunity to separate in a grand manner.

Amandeep Kaur
Amandeep Kaur August 10, 2017 - 11:37 pm

The break up was a consequence of continuous such incidents and I described the main and the last incident and the whole meaning of how a relationship is perceived changes for her after her relationship with the best best friend but there may come moments when she might miss her ex but there was a reason why she chose to leave him.

Ilteza August 10, 2017 - 8:03 pm

I agree with some points that relationships sometimes sucks…. But here she is proving that her bf was somewhere right, he was just jealous of her best friend similarly if he had a girl best friend she would also behaved like that…. No personal comments it’s just my POV…

Amandeep Kaur
Amandeep Kaur August 10, 2017 - 11:41 pm

The closeness of her relationship with her best friend could make him jealous but what she got fed up with was that everytime she talked to a guy, her boyfriend’s narrow mind would be at display… Had it just been the best friend, she would somehow would have understood.

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