I’m married and yet it’s my male colleague I depend on, for comfort and strength

woman with office colleague

An arranged marriage that grew into a loving one on the surface

Nishant and I were married for 7 years. Ours was an arranged marriage, but we had lived our courtship period to the fullest. Those evening meetings and chats made our bond even stronger. With time, priorities changed and we both started focusing more on our careers and making ourselves financially strong and stable. Nishant is the most understanding and a liberal husband that any woman can ever have in her life… and yet there are many things in my life that were missing. Things that a woman desires and expects from her husband. Simple things. I wanted to spend time together. I wanted him to look at me. And I wanted us to make love. But he didn’t have time even to talk to me…

After 12 hours of work, he wished to unwind watching TV or surfing the Internet. I was nowhere in the scheme of things. I always knew that he loved me but that love didn’t translate into any actions, gestures or words.

My subtle efforts of getting ready for him are always unrecognised… I ask him how I look. In response, all I get is a cool “You always look beautiful hence I didn’t react”, which sounds more like an excuse for his disinterest in me.

Related reading: When relationships try to bridge the distance with the help of compliments

I accepted that our lives were parallel, not intertwined

We were living parallel lives in the same home. I had accepted life the way it was and focused more on raising my 5-year-old kid and giving him the best possible upbringing. Nishant got a fabulous promotion and had to relocate to a different city. I continued to live with my kid and his family. He used to visit us on weekends and we spent our time either with family or sometimes going out for dinner or shopping… never just with each other. Never a couple.

Tried to adjust

Life was moving smoothly, I thought. I had not realised the extent of loneliness that had been continuously creeping into me.

I had not realised the extent of loneliness that had been continuously creeping into me.

That’s when Siddhant entered my life.

My colleague gave me comfort and strength

I had known him for the last 3 years as we are colleagues at work but we started interacting recently for about 2 months. It started casually, then moved on to an emotional connection. We started getting dependent on each other and the trust between us grew unimaginably. He always pampered me, brought me out of that lonely shell, told me what looks good on me and what I can do in life…

But then Nishant had to undergo some medical treatment as the doctors suspected that it could be cancerous. I was shaken. During that difficult phase Siddhant stood by my side day and night. He was always been there with me virtually and has motivated me to stay strong and move on with a positive thought…

Thinking back, I don’t have words to express my gratitude towards him, the strongest and most knowledgeable person I have ever met in my life… I could listen to him for hours. He has that charm which got me interested about even the most boring things! I could discuss everything with him. Our WhatsApp conversations were elaborate, intimate… As our friendship grew stronger, our clear and pure relationship turned into a physical need and we decided to attain sexual pleasure. The irony is not lost on me that I grew so close to him because he stood rock solid by me during my husband’s illness.

Related reading: When married to an emotionally distant spouse

Then my husband found out about the affair

But the affair was short-lived. Nishant noticed our chats.

He was hurt. He went silent. I know him, he would never ask me about the messages. I couldn’t bear it. So I tried everything to make him speak up and bring out his anger. And one day he cried out loud and said, “Why did you keep this chat in your phone, why didn’t you delete it?”

He found out

Later when we sat together and spoke, he said that he had three choices. Either to hit himself in rage or hit me, or he could have called up Siddhant and yelled at him to stay away from me. He didn’t opt for any of the three. Instead, he dealt with the situation and me very patiently.

Had I been the one cheated upon, I don’t know what my reaction would have been.

Had I been the one cheated upon, I don’t know what my reaction would have been.

But my husband, despite getting hurt, said to me, I have not done anything wrong and it was just ‘need and pleasure’ which I was seeking from someone else. He even took the blame upon himself that he was not able to give me proper time. I know that he is still disturbed, so am I. The scars will take time to heal.

I’m back to square one, with no loving attention

I will always admire my husband for his patience and attachment to me. On the other hand, parting with Siddhant has left me in a comfortless situation.

He wants me to move ahead without him for peace in my family life. And I move on with a heavy heart. I have the memories he gave me. I didn’t need him just to have my physical needs met. He was the one who had the answers to all my queries, who understood me. Because of this man I had started living for myself. I will always miss him. He will stay in my heart and prayers forever.

Though my husband Nishant is very understanding and has given me time to come out of the whole thing completely, he doesn’t want to discuss this further. My need for his time, companionship, having a fulfilling sexual equation with him are still unresolved issues. I find myself back to square one. Back to the shell where my life is so-called happy. But for the forgiving gem of a person that he is, for his sake and for the guilt that I feel, I have promised myself that I will never do anything that may hurt him again. Even if I have to carry the emptiness and this terrible heavy pain in my heart forever.

I sent in my resignation because I couldn’t bear to be next to him any more




Readers Comments On “I’m married and yet it’s my male colleague I depend on, for comfort and strength”

  1. There is always an option of getting a divorce especially since she too is financially independent. Every criminal has some sad excuse behind their mistake. By the way, her affair ended only because of being found out or else it would have continued. Cheaters in a relationship most likely follow this rule to justify themselves “What they doesn’t know will never hurt them.” In short, she should have either tried sorting out issue or ending the relationship. Atleast, in that way, she would come across as honest about her needs rather than a cheater playing victim card.

  2. Well, finding an emotional connection with someone outside marraige really means that there is something missing in the marraige itself. Cheating is a very bad form of lying. It is a betrayal of trust to the person you love most. So ofcourse you will have to build that trust again. However what you need to do is think about how you can find the same hints in your own marraige. If you can’t then this pattern may repeat

  3. Women finding comfort in the arms of another man is something that has to be seen in the light of individual pleasure slowly and steadily breaking strings of erstwhile accepted social norms, the lady in question was lonely and not happy and one has to sympathise with her because for how long can people bear a stale relationship life comes only once and being happy should be of utmost importance in this day and age every spouse should be accommodative of the fact that he or she alone cannot fulfill all expectations and that their spouse will come into contact with the opposite sex and sparks are bound to fly so some sort of flexibility is need of the hour

    1. Deb Chatterjee


      The very fact that, as you are arguing, spouses/partners in a marriage/relationship in modern times should accept transgressions from their partners is a replete with immoral pessimism.

      Why should I, who may have invested so much in the relationship and at least equally like my partner, expect to be cheated as a natural phenomenon? If I have signed up for monogamous marriage I expect such to be held true as a part of the social contract – which is what marriage and live-in relationships are. If the contract cannot be maintained for any reason, the honest way is to take a divorce and get rid of the obligations.

      Unfortunately, because of the legal armor provided by the Supreme Court in its 2015 ruling favoring women, men will mostly find themselves at the short end of the stick. A divorce financially drains a man while benefiting the woman, and causes emotional devastation which the law does not address.

      So if you are asking wives and girlfriends to cheat, you are suggesting that husbands and boyfriends should expect to get shafted because it is natural.

      I find this idea of yours abhorrent. I would suggest that any of the partners who cheat should also expect public shaming initiated by the cheated partner, outside the legal bounds of the law.

  4. What you did is a perfect example of eating the cake and having it too. You have converted a friendship to an affair and the result is a complete break down of your husband. What your colleague has done is something that is expected from a friend. From this point onwards the life is not going to be the same. Deep inside your husband is hurt and will not be able to trust you. Dont play the victim card towards end, because ultimately the fact is you cheated on your husband and he is the real victim.

    @Saloni: If she was unhappy with her marriage she should have searched ways to rekindle the spark in their married life. She should have communicated with her husband and still its not working she had all the freedom to separate and live the life as she wanted. But here she had tried to sail in two boats there by breaking someone’s trust. This is called CHEATING. Betrayal of this kind will break her husband from inside and he will never be able to trust anyone ever in his life.

    @ Kumar: So sorry to hear what has happened in your life and sincerely hoping that you will find your way out from this difficult situation.

    @ Deb: Trust all is well with you. Nice to see you again. Cheating is a choice and cheaters doesnt have any morals and they need just an excuse to indulge in adultery.

    1. Deb Chatterjee

      Thank you bro! Looks like I’m India adultery has soared high. Probably because women are in the workplace earning money and want to be independent. Keep it up bro! How’s life taking you?

      1. I am doing good, work wise a little hectic, but manageable. Thanks.

        I am for women empowerment and financial independence. But no one should take their relationship and partner’s trust for granted. I hate these selfish who justify their transgression by playing the victim card.

    2. Saloni Maheshwari

      See…In the above story, Shree tried enough to get her husband’s attention but he showed no interest. He was always busy with his work or other stuff. How long she would have tried? She did wait for years but nothing changed. And everyone wants to get appreciated and every girl wants to feel special at times but she did not get any special attention or say any attention from her husband. So , it was natural to get attracted to someone with whom she could share everything and thus, she got attracted to the guy. No big deal! But, when her husband found out, she immediately stopped seeing the guy even though she had the same life as before without any charm and happiness. But she is living with it!

      1. Deb Chatterjee


        Your view is based on unfair bias. Shree did not appreciate her husband’s professional commitments. When her husband got busy with work, she wanted someone to fill the void. That is WRONG/IMMORAL. That is cheating.

        Voids, emotional gaps are a part of life. It happens to all. Does not mean that you have to seek pleasure outside to fill the void.

        Second, her husband (Nishant) was sick when she had sexual pleasure with that person (Siddhant). Nishant found out that Shree was having an affair with Siddhant through her chats etc. So Shree did not have the courage That was the most cruel thing she did and cannot be forgiven.

        A question comes pertinent to this case: Nishant was away because of his career; the narrative does not say he was away because he also was cheating. So would Nishant have to sacrifice his career prospects just to prevent his lusty wife from committing adultery? Is that a crime by Nishant, and, Shree taking advantage of Nishant’s absence to cheat on her husband with another man is an act of commitment and virtue on her part? And that quip that she stopped when her husband found out, suggests the level of immorality that Shree engages in. But it is conventional knowledge that a thief will steal again once released. Shree will cheat again because voids come againand again in one’s life.

        Are most younger generation women in India would casually cheat like Shree if they don’t feel pampered or appreciated?

      2. Hi Saloni,
        If I read your comment right you are saying that its right for all those who married introverts to cheat their partners as introverts will neither open up nor make someone feel special. But this doesn’t give the partner right to cheat.
        Its not ok to succumb to your natural instincts. If you are to succumb to your natural instincts the whats the difference between a primitive and a civilized person. Natural instincts doesn’t go well with the society. So if you are agreeing that natural instincts are ok then why we should create a hue and cry over rapes or bullying or public defecation or any socially unacceptable behaviours. We could easily forget these incidents by saying that the perpetrator was acting as per his natural instinct. Those who have done the most heinous crime also have a sob story and an excuse.
        If she was unhappy in her marriage she should have communicated with her husband explicitly. Subtle hints will not work. Even after that if she was unhappy she had all the right to separate and live the life as per her wish.
        She shouldn’t have broken someone’s trust for her selfish motives. Relationships are built on the foundation of trust. Once the foundation is broken then the cracks would be there. It’s the loyal partner who would get hurt the most for no mistake of his.
        Marriage is a life long contract of trust. Every marriage will have midlife crisis and emotional voids, but this doesn’t give the partner a right to start an affair. If she was unhappy she should have communicated with her husband but here she had decided to go behind the husband’s back to start an affair which is called CHEATING. CHEATING IS A CHOICE NOT A MISTAKE. Its only people with low morals can stoop to the level of a cheater. Even after her first transgression she should have confessed, but here she decided to sail in two boats. If the husband hasn’t found out then she didn’t have any intention to stop the affair. Her confession would have saved the esteem of her husband instead of that she decided to break him completely by allowing him to find out.
        She has decided to stay on with her husband not because she loved him but only because she knew that he is a poor innocent soul who would forgive her for all her cheatings.

  5. In the era we are breathing in, in every marriage, there’s bound to come a point like this. Where we fail to attain the balance between chasing our dreams regarding our career and our family life. Here’s where we go wrong. We take our family for granted. Because we feel they will always be there. But then like every other thing in our life, our family, our relationship needs our time and effort. Now in this situation, the void the wife felt is nothing unnatural. And it’s okay to find a healthy comradeship with another man . But then you must know where to draw the line. And instead of simply feeling fed up with your husband, you guys could have discussed this issue with each other as how you are feeling a void inside you. And you both could put the effort to refresh your bond by adding new moments in your days. And it’s not too late. Given to the fact that your husband chose to make peace with your affair with your colleague. Let me tell you feeling guilty does no good. And it’s okay. It’s okay to go wrong. Now you must put the effort to rekindle the bond that used to be alive once. Do talk with him. Let him know how much it matters to you to make your life together better than it is now. And take it one day at a time. It’s never too late.

    1. Deb Chatterjee


      It is not OK to cheat on your husband and play the victim card. That is extremely selfish. This woman is taking advantage of the fact that her husband is kind hearted. She knows that cheating is unacceptable. You are somewhat offbeat in morals. You are consoling a cheater? Someone who should be publically shamed? Next time she feels lonely she might go a step further and get pregnant and then again play the victim card! What is wrong in name calling such an immoral woman?

      1. @ Deb
        So what she cheated?? I think she categorically mentioned her situation and loneliness. She DID attempt to rekindle the marriage and the spark in it but maybe you completely ignored the fact that Nishant was too busy to notice anything.
        Marriage is an extremely heavy load and only 1 person can’t handle the burden of it unless it’s a namesake marriage.

        1. Shree Chaturvedi

          Thanks Vinay…I think the people who have responded in above messages have not read that Shree was too lonely to live a peaceful life …and it was just a desire she had to attain sexual pleasure but she didn’t do anything of that sort knowing her boundaries…

          1. Deb Chatterjee


            The person cheated and had sex with Siddhant who was not her husband (Nishant).

            Please read the article again.

            Greed for having sex when the husband fell ill is what caused her to cheat.

            She cheated on Nishant because she wanted to. It just did not happen. Adults should have self control. This lady did not.

            Please stop supporting cheaters.

          2. hi Shree,

            You dont need to break someone’s trust and heart for your selfish motives. she should have communicated explicitly on her needs, or should have separated. she shouldnt have allowed her husband to find out her cheating as that would break him more. she should have confessed. here she tried to eat the cake and have it too.

            now her relationship is not going to be the same as the foundation of any relationship is trust and here the foundation itself is broken. my whole sympathy with the husband as he would be living a guilt ridden life for no mistake of his.

        2. Deb Chatterjee


          You certainly have a different and enlarged heart, that can accommodate cheaters by sympathizing with their sob stories. Well in my view it is not so.

          Marriage is a social contract. The contractual obligations need to be fulfilled. If you have sex outside marriage, and your spouse is in the dark you have cheated and acted immorally. Sob stories about cheating sound like the thief crying before the police when caught. In this case the husband, even as he forgave the wife, is unable to build normal relations. Once a cheater, is always a cheater. Once a thief is always a thief.

        3. Hi Vinay,
          She was not explicit in her communication. What she was doing was sailing in two boats. if you browse through this category of affairs and cheating you can read the story of a woman who was in a similar situation and she confessed to her husband and separated from him. if you think that you cant make the marriage work separate and live the life as you wish. else you can communicate with your partner and opt for an open marriage. but dont break your partners trust for your selfish motives. seeking affairs for all emotional voids is a sign of low moral. if you think you cant take the responsibility of a marriage please dont get married to break someones trust and heart.

  6. Saloni Maheshwari

    I feel what she did was right as she did not have anyone to share her joys or sorrows as her husband didn’t giver her time at all. In this situation what could anyone have done? She did wait for years but then nothing changed. Everyone needs someone special with whom he/she can feel truly himself/herself so, there was nothing wrong in it.

    1. Deb Chatterjee

      It was not right. Cheating is not right at all. It is an act of selfishness, and monogamous marriage does not support cheating by either spouse.

      If a marital relationship should accommodate cheating then that must be spelt out before any agreement is made. Opt for a open marriage!

      A person who breaks trust, especially in marriage, is a low life coward. The excuse that she was lonely is rubbish. She wanted to cheat and have fun, which was more important than maintaining the sanctity of a social contract.

      Her behavior was shameful! She deserves public shaming.

    2. saloni. .
      so, you are supporating the cheating woman just because you too a woman?
      anyone who is not satisfied in a relationship, can leave i.e. divorce. but she does not have the courage to do .so , she is a coward .
      she was enjoying sexual pleasure, when her husband was ill.what a selfishness! !
      after all she did not leave her husband ..it is not because she loves him ( because she actually loves the other guy)..she did not leave probably due to financial security ( back of the mind she knows her husband is very hard working )…
      if a guy demands sex from wife and be refused by her , then you feminists start judging him..but here you are supporting the cheater…lol????

  7. Listen no one is good to judge another ones situation, and that’s applicable for every human in this world however . Few words that I wanted to share, what u did is wrong and u can NEVER earn ur trust back from ur husband. Ur life is not as it seems like coz u cheated on him it’s gonna take a turn ,a nasty turn interms of emotions. U should have confessed and told him what had happened and why did it happen rather than him finding out and questioning. Sex is just a portion of life and I don’t understand why females fall for guys who look handsome and talk sweet. Whatever u had come up about the other guy , trust me just to impress you so that he can have u in bed. Grow up and never do this again. My wife did the same thing , we were not together for a while but now I had asked her to come back . Guess what my life is taking a shitty trim too and I don’t like it. I don’t like getting married to anyone else, I don’t have kids who can take care of me and I don’t need another female on my life because I don’t trust females anymore. Probably whatever is running in my mind could the same in ur husband’s head. Take care and be his slave, that’s what u deserve. 9739759395

    1. Deb Chatterjee

      I agree Kumar. But I have a question: you were in a similar situation, if I read your post correctly? Did you compromise? How do you feel now that you have forgiven your wife? Why did you take her back?

  8. Deb Chatterjee

    I think the incident is shameful. You (wife) are a selfish person, though you maybe we’ll behaved and well mannered.

    You cheated on your husband when he was going thru’ medical treatment, that resulted into a sexual affair. Just think: he forgave you and that too he found it out but you did not confess first. He is much greater and a noble soul than you.

    I do not know what moral lessons you have been taught by your elders of parents. But to cheat on a caring husband, just because he does not have time in pursuing his career, is a fascinating excuse for cheating.

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