Q: I’ve been in a relationship for almost four years with my (boyfriend??) I think. We’ve been on and off. We dated twice, and broke up both the times. After which I was done with relationships and every emotion associated with them. However, he stuck by me, and we somehow still managed to be together (not official boyfriend-girlfriend). We did this for about two years. Everything was going fine until a few weeks ago. My feelings started fluctuating about him. Sometimes I ‘love’ him, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I feel I’m missing out on the rest being with him, sometimes I feel I should be with him. This has happened a lot of times, so I broke up with him. Not only because of my selfish needs, but also because he’s so deeply in love with me, and is putting in so much effort, I almost feel like he deserves much better than me. I just feel that I need a break from relationships, I need to figure this out, as it’s stressing me up a little. And it kills me to hurt him so bad, especially for no fault of his. I don’t know what to do. I’ve broken up with him for the time being but we keep meeting. I need to stop leading him on, but he says he will never get over me. Please help me…I’m only 18.
A: You seem to have answered a lot of your questions in your problem, and I am just helping you to look through it. First, you are just 18, and you seem to have been with this guy since you were 14, which is too young an age to understand the meaning of relationships. Right now, if you feel that this relationship is not going anywhere and you are leading him on, it’s best to not call or meet him for sometime. This will help both of you gain perspective on your relationship. Both of you have to understand that there is a difference between love and attachment. Not being in a relationship is sometimes better than being in a difficult relationship with no reciprocation from the other side. Therefore, give him and yourself some space and time before you take a decision to move ahead with him or otherwise. Talk about your feelings to him calmly, stating very clear reasons for your decision.