Struggles and Scars

I’m Yasodhara, Buddha’s wife. And here’s what I felt when he renounced the world and me

He sacrificed family and love to gain enlightenment and enrich the world. But what about the wife and infant son he left behind?

The man who was married off to fix his problems

Here is a little story I want to share with you.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, there was a guy with good looks, great manners and rich parents. He was ambitious and wanted to touch the sky. He was also a wanderer. As is the wont, his family thought of getting him married, because that somehow always fixes the “wandering” problem.

So he got married to an equally beautiful girl, with good looks, great manners and affluent parents. The two were happy, or so it seemed to the world. Strangely, how beautiful a couple looks is often a measurement of how happy they must be. And these two looked beautiful, alone, together, always.

Related reading: I thought she had a perfect life till she broke down and told me her story

siddharth and yashodhara
Image source

How about having a baby to solve your problems?

Five years went by, but the guy was still a wanderer. He always wanted to pack his bags and scale the mountains. So the parents thought that the couple should start a family. Yes, what marriage can’t fix, babies can. So the wife got pregnant. The family was happy. Now the man would be there for his family and live happily ever after, they thought.

Then came the day when the woman went into labour. The pain was excruciating and she thought she would die. She had heard from friends that their husbands had stood with them and held their hands, while they gave birth to their baby. Yes, she had heard husbands call the pregnancy “their” pregnancy. She looked around for the husband to hold her hands, but she soon realised that in her case it was going to “her” pregnancy.

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1 Comment

  1. यशोधरा कहाँ रहती है यहाँ

    क्यूं आए मुड़ कर
    कोई और घर न दिखा
    भिक्षा ही तो लेनी थी
    और द्वारे भी मिल जाती
    जाओ …. तुम जाते क्यूं नहीं

    या अब भी शेष है कोई परीक्षा
    मेरी नहीं…. तुम्हारी
    भान न लगी अब तक
    कि उठ पाया भी या नहीं
    परे हूं भी या नहीं
    अनुत्तरित हो क्या
    पर तुम बिन मुझे सारे उत्तर रटा दिए जग ने
    जाओ कि तुम्हारे उत्तर मुझसे परे हैं
    जाओ…. तुम जाते क्यूं नहीं

    पूछने को कितना कुछ है
    मेरी परवाह करते हो अब भी क्या
    क्या मेरे काजल का बिखरना स्मृत है
    वो हँसली के नीचे मेरा तिल
    या फिर वो राहुल की नन्हीं बांह का स्पर्श….
    पर तुम तो साधू ठहरे
    समर्पण को कुछ नहीं अब शेष मेरे पास
    अरे जाओ …. तुम जाते क्यूं नहीं

    देखो झूठ न कहना
    मुझे भान है कि जब झुके थे अभी अभी
    अपना पल्ला समेटने….
    मेरे आंचल के छोर को मुंह में दबाए
    मेरे पीछे छिपते राहुल को देखने भर ही न
    या चिंता दग्ध कि कितनी क्षीणकाय हो गई हूं मैं
    रहने दो मेरा भ्रम
    नहीं नहीं….चाहती नहीं कोई उत्तर
    जाओ …. तुम जाते क्यूं नहीं

    देखो झूठ न कहना
    अब तो लोग तुम्हारे नाम की शपथ लेते हैं
    मैं याद आती हूं न
    वो तृष्णा जिसे तजने के कथन कहते हो
    वो मैं ही हूं न
    बारम्बार तृष्णा शब्द जिह्वा पे रख
    मेरी ही स्मृति करते हो न
    छोड़ो अनकहा ही रहने दो….
    जाओ न … तुम जाते क्यूं नहीं

    तुम ने क्या पाया पता नहीं
    मुझे ही न पा पाए तुम तो….
    जाओ भी… कुछ न दूंगी तुम्हे
    कि मेरी झोली में बस हैं
    एक उतरी पायल
    दो रीते हाथ
    और कुल जमा चार अश्रु।

    जाओ भिक्षुक यशोधरा अब नहीं रहती यहां
    रहती है राहुल की मां,
    शुद्धोदन की बहू
    यशोधरा की समाधि है बरगद के तले
    सुना है कोई बुलबुल वहाँ विरह गीत गाती है
    जाओ …. अब कुछ न शेष यहाँ !

    ज्योति जोशी

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