Is having sex in a joint family, bad and uncomfortable?

by Tuli Banerjee

Imagine being married. Easy?

Now also imagine being married into a joint family – yes, like most Indian couples.

Ever wondered how would you make things happen if you wanted to get intimate with your partner? Able to imagine?  You may surely have moments in the day when you just feel like hugging your spouse for no reason, but you can’t. When you feel the urge to kiss your partner randomly, but you cannot. Or you find a romantic movie on the TV and feel like holding hands with your spouse while watching the movie, but you CANNOT. Reason? You live in a joint family.


‘no space,who cares’ Image Source

Related reading: Is nuclear family the best way to let couple relationships thrive?

The Indian family values of sharing everything and living under one roof sounds definitely good theoretically, but being romantic under the same roof as your father-in-law, mother-in-law, brother-in-law and his wife, their kids and also the occasional visiting sister-in-law, can be quite a burden if you are a young couple who loves showing affection.

Loud sex and joint family – how does one solve this issue ? asks ChutneypuDi.

“It has been seven long years and I still cannot get it out of mind that people can listen to us have sex,” she confesses. Dr Sanjeev Trivedi provides a simple practical example – “Play background music.”

married life

Sangeeta Sinha also suggests that loud music could be the solution, though she confesses,  “personally have never stayed with family so somehow can’t relate to this problem,” but believes that “it can be disturbing.”

The poor of India and other such societies do not have the luxury of even a bedroom for them, and yet they multiply faster than the richer with personal bedrooms.

“The scare of being heard is highly overrated in this segment,” feels  Tapan Mozumdar. He believes that life doesn’t imitate ‘art’ or whatever such films are called, and the loudest amongst us can’t be heard through a closed, good quality door. “This is my experience, from either side of the door,” he shares with a sly grin. Having said that, we are not talking about a heinous crime being committed and that should be done in deepest secrecy. We are talking about procreation and recreation, at times. “Curiosity from the outside of the door may lead to titillation or embarrassment, depending on the mindset. For the people inside, courtesy will require to contain the exclamations. In fact, deeper and more real the pleasure, the less are the screams. Screams usually indicate posing; fake declaration of feelings which do not exist. The intent may be, then, to have an audience of an ongoing closeness, where none exists,” believes Tapan.

Naufal Khan jokes, “Then you should scream louder just to freak them out. That’s what I would do.”

“Scream a little louder and moan even louder,” is also the advice of Ayesha.

couple getting intimate

‘turn on the music or have no shame and scream loudly’ Image Source

Related reading: No sex, please, we’re married

A recent survey conducted by Men’s Health magazine in India also confirmed Indians do not get enough privacy to have sex as often as they may want to, owing to the noisy ‘joint family’ homes they live in, with their parents and adult siblings.

Is having sex in a joint family really that bad though? Maybe, maybe not – only those having experienced it must be the best ones to judge. But it can be real tough for the ones who love to be loud in bed. But one thing is for sure – forget screaming out loud, even a soft raunchy moan can be heard by the entire family behind the wall. So the next time he says, ‘Scream my name’ in bed, what do you do? Silence him with a look?

How we kept intimacy alive in our marriage despite no privacy

How to hint to your spouse that you want sex in a joint family setup

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