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Is Sex the binding factor after marriage?

Couple on park bench

Shampa was just twenty years old when she was married ,a simple cultured damsel with very honest dreams and very rigid traditionalist got engaged to a family which was very huge and totally  dis-organised. It was a purely arranged marriage but the boy was sixteen years elder to her.She knew the fact but never said anything as somehow she too liked the company of aged people rather than people of her age. She always missed her dad as he was her best friend and now she somehow wanted to fill up the crunch …… the best would be to have a life partner who could also be like a fatherly figure to her. So she grew up with the preconceived notion that her better half would enhance her life and she could fulfill all her unaccomplished dreams. This unaltered notion made her look out for a life partner who was sixteen years elder to her. Her friends made her understand that she should marry someone of her age ,but she was never pacified.

Shampa had three sisters and no brothers and parented by single parent ….her mother.Now the family where she grew up was only females never did she have to spend time with any male but it was just the opposite after her marriage. As now her family had more of male members rather than females and to top it up ….everyone was elder to her including her own youngest sister-in law.The ‘Sens’ as I knew them to be were a very broad minded people .They never had any restrictions in their family and Shampa was a little confused as how to react to such open-ness as she came from a very rigid background. She tried her bottoms up to adjust with the family but was always a step behind. Now this was just the first night which she had preconceived would be somewhat of introducing each other and becoming friends and much more than that she was excited that she would be talking to a male all alone in a closed room .She was not much used to technology and her mom too never discussed about sex and relationship. So here she was ready to make a new friend for lifetime but LO!! All her flamboyant dreams was completely smashed when all the family members started with hoards of advice as to what should be her attitude during the first night but she just couldn’t understand that why should anyone discuss about something which was supposed to be behind closed doors. She just couldn’t digest the idea that “Was it openness / broad-mindedness?”She was completely perplexed with all such discussions and finally when the moment came to be behind the closed doors she was already in the tight grip of fear.

As instructed by her mom she just had to make him happy…..but now the question was how? As Sabbir who was thirty five years old could not hide his feelings and started to provoke her without even a formal introduction which she was expecting but on the contrary his first dialogue to her as she remembers was “I have waited for thirty five years for this day and now I just need it right away” Though she was convent educated she really could not understand as to what he actually wanted ?? Saying so he just started cuddling near her As she was already frightened she just shook his hands off from her and turned the other side and went to sleep …..She could see how rudely Sabbir was behaving nearly whole night . So there it was there was absolutely nothing between them whole night but now the reactions Shampa could see as soon as she got up ….as she was flooded with questions from everyone that “Why you didn’t allow my brother to touch you..and all such questions…” She just couldn’t understand as to how could anyone discuss such things in public….She was really depressed. She thought that she would be getting a new friend in the name of Sabbir but here it was all different …. All was openly discussing about Sex everywhere….including Sabbir.

She started thinking that What Is this institution called marriage exactly means:

* ‘Licensed Sex’

* Sex without any friendship

* To satisfy your partner’s desires so that he is only confined to you.

* To be used everyday

* To be remembered when in Lust.

* To be friends only in Bed….?

All such questions baffled her as her pre-conceived dreams of getting a very good friend after marriage was now totally in ruins .Initially she thought it was okay as he was elder to him but then what ? As she was adjusting He too must adjust and control his emotions and give her some time to open up. Instead of that he every night insisted on that only one thing called “Sex”.

And Shampa thought after the dark night maybe he would count on her in the morning in front of the family for his personal advice , or his future planning , but it was all in vain …her pain of the night still remained as he who was so close and understanding at night became very pessimistic in the morning…..avoiding her all the way . He just behaved as if she didn’t exist for him . Shampa too was so confused ,her innocent mind just could not gallop all the rejection and acceptance by her own hubby which just came in leaps and bounds .


She always keeps on asking that what she should do ? why such Hippocratic behaviour? Night he desires and morning just avoids her …..

I really couldn’t pacify her as I feel that we all are sailing in the same boat to some extent …….

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  1. It is unfortunate that people get marriage down to just sex If the guy had given your friend a few days to get comfortable with him and not expect her to just immediately have sex, she would’ve eventually become comfortable. But very few people understand that it is difficult for most women to happily sleep with a total stranger in an arranged marriage

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