In-laws and husband treat me like an outsider and are threatening divorce

Question:

Ma’am,

I am 32 years old, my husband is 37. I was working in an MNC. When my husband got an onsite opportunity for 6 years he asked me to come along. I left my job and went with him. Then I applied for a visa, but because of something my husband did wrong, I didn’t get a visa and returned to India.

Previously my mother-in-law used to be very dominating and always interfered in our personal matters, even though she is a doctor and a highly educated lady. My father-in-law has no option but to always support his wife. When I was in the US, my relationship with my husband was not good. We had no physical intimacy. He wanted us to have a baby. My MIL always tells my husband to force me for having a child, otherwise he’ll give me a divorce. Her perception is that after a kid I won’t have the option to leave her son and then they can torture me. My husband is not buying a house as yet, because he has the perception that I might leave him and will take half of his property.

I decided to stay in India and started working. But now my project is over and I am jobless. Since a few days, in everything, my husband is threatening me that he’ll give me a divorce. It has been 1.5 years since we are staying separately. He is in the US. This month he is coming back and saying he’ll stay in the guest house. I told him he can stay at my 1 bhk but he said no. I suspect that he is having an extramarital affair, as I have seen him many times watching porn and masturbating. This puts me into a great depression and I feel betrayed and ignored. I told him I feel you are hiding something from me, so he blocked me everywhere – on WhatsApp, phone, Facebook, email. His parents are also threatening me with divorce. Please suggest what should I do. My parents are innocent but due to my in-laws bad behaviour they are not talking with each other. I don’t know what to do.

Snigdha Mishra says:

Dear Lady,

I can understand this may be confusing if nothing else. How is your communication with your husband? As in how do you talk to him if at all? It is important that you two sit together and see what’s going on and what the future of the relationship is.

For now, forget your in-laws and what they do and don’t. The relationship is between you and your husband. He is a grown person, who can decide for himself what he wants or doesn’t, and so are you.

What do you want from this man and this relationship?

Not even once have you mentioned about your need and what you’re looking for. Any relationship is based on mutual trust, respect and acceptance, do you see that in your relationship with your husband? I am no position to tell you what to do, but you seriously need to weigh your options and figure out what you want from this relationship and your husband. Speak with him openly about your future.

Divorce or no divorce, what is it that the two of you are looking for? Also, why does his family keep threatening a divorce? What does he want? what do you want? Discuss all of this with him, please.

All the best,
Snigdha