Sometimes in a marriage, even after spending more than three decades with your spouse, you are not able to express your feelings nor is your spouse able to realize what you are going through. This is a heartwarming yet poignant letter from the husband to a wife. Unfortunately, the wife is no longer alive. However, she had such a close bond with her son that things which she could not tell her husband, she told her son. This is a mother’s silent cry that no one heard.
Although this letter is written by her son on her behalf, every single word is exactly what she told her son about her relationship with her husband.
A letter to a husband from his wife
Dear Nimish Ji,
I know I call you ‘aaho’ but I thought I’d call you by your name today. There is a reason why I am calling you by your name today and that being that I always wanted to. Even after I got married to you, I told you that I want to call you by your name but your family and you both said that there were many visitors from your social and political circle at home and that it would not look good. I agreed to that believing what difference does it make?
We spent 38 years together but today after so many years of being with you I might have gotten used to you but I do not know if I ever loved you.
Of course, I cared for you but I wonder if you ever cared for me, forget love. I still remember the day when our first baby was born and I was in the hospital, I needed you to be by my side but you were busy with some political meetings.
I thought how are we going to provide for this child when you are busy with social service and not earning as much to make ends meet. I cried silently on my pillow but never told you how insecure I felt inside.
We stayed with your parents for a long time and then later moved into our own home. However, when we were with your parents, although at first, I found it difficult, I realized that after moving out, I was left alone at home. Kids had grown up by then and you were always out of the house.
No matter how much your parents called me names, today after so many years, I feel that at least I had company.
In my mid-40s, I began falling sick. I got diabetes, blood pressure, and many other illnesses. I know that you were there around, but I was extremely hungry for your attention and company. Perhaps, you found me imperfect. But then who isn’t? When I married you, you were far from being perfect but I still accepted you with my heart. Why was it so difficult for you to make time for me in your daily routine?
All of you called me names when I stopped cooking, taking care of the house or doing anything for you and the kids. But did anyone ask me why? I could not get the motivation to do all these things. I started feeling like a maid whose job was thankless and no one ever cared for her.
I did everything I could to find the interest and motivation to be happy in our marriage but I know that I died in misery.
As I started aging, I needed you to continue telling me that you still loved me and still cared for me. I wanted you to factor me in your decision making and I wanted you to be around the kids and me. Do you remember when was the last time we went out together, just the two of us?
I do not want to only complain about my last communication with you. I know very well that you have been a loyal husband and a caring father but I only wished that you loved me a little more than your work.
You gave us a good lifestyle and I know that we both struggled together to build our lives. It is only because of the two of us that our kids have grown to be great human beings.
Finally, I want to say sorry that I left you so early, especially when you are struggling financially once again and needed my emotional support. But life and death are not in our hands. I wanted to grow older with you but my sorrow and disappointment affected my health and hence I am unable to do so. Please take care of yourself and the kids. Irrespective of our differences, I have spent 38 years with you and I’d like to believe that I love you.
Your lonely wife,