Counselling

We have a long distance marriage and my husband is a man of few words, I feel depressed

Long distance marriage is hard when your partner is on the quiet side. What do I do?
sad woman crying on the phone

Dear Ma’am,

I had a registered marriage in 2016 and then social marriage in 2018. It was an arranged marriage and in 2017 I was to go to France with my husband. But I was detected with a critical illness and hence, all plans were cancelled. I had already resigned from my job by then. My husband had to return to France without me.

We have maintained our relationship over this long distance somehow, but it is becoming very difficult. He is a man of few words and I am very talkative. We are somehow unable to communicate properly with each other. I feel helpless sometimes and very depressed. What do I do?

Relationship counselling

Snigdha Mishra says:

Dear Lady,

Your feelings are valid and its okay to feel bad about this lack of communication between you and your husband. However, feeling bad isn’t the answer or solution to this. You obviously feel this way because you want more, and wish to develop[restrict] this relationship. Please correct me if I’ve inaccurately assessed your need.

Be who you are: You’ve stated that you’re talkative and he isn’t. Long distance relationships can be tricky and demanding, but please be who you are and communicate with him as much as you can in the current scenario. You can’t change anyone’s nature, so if he’s not as talkative as you, there can’t be much done here. This could also be because of the distance. Some people talk more when they’re physically with others. I don’t know if that’s the case with your husband, but maybe.

Communicate: Have you spoken to him about your needs and desires and asked him about his? Do you two meet or visit each other? I understand that it is an arranged marriage hence you need to build on the bond, if I may assume so. The details about the nature of your relationship are very limited, so I can’t really say much.

But as long as you’re both communicating openly with each other, a bond will gradually build, considering the long distance. You haven’t mentioned your future plans and your arrangement of living together. All I can say with the limited information you’ve given is to continue communicating and letting each other know your feelings etc.

If you continue to feel sad, please see a psychologist for counselling.
Snigdha
[/restrict]

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3 Comments

  1. But they never stayed without each other right. That’s the thing the person who seems to be shy for outside world may be very extrovert in his marriage and with his partner. The point you have informed is to accept is very valid and can be one of the option. But there is requirement of change I feel one must talk about this with their partners and arrive at a solution.

  2. It is all okay. There are some phases of life which are very confusing and are difficult. Be yourself. Be strong. Things can never break you down.
    All the best lady.

  3. I think acceptance of one another as who each one is, is important here. You or he needn’t change. I remember my friend from school, whose dad was a rather less talkative and reserved person, while her mom was this highly sociable and talkative lady. However, they are one of the happiest couples I’ve seen till date. Communication is essential despite one being talkative and the other being less talkative. Do not confide in the differences and feel depressed.

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