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He loves me but won’t leave his wife!

She and M have known each other since childhood and ‘almost’ made it to marriage. Today they are married to two different people but still madly in love with each other. She says, for M an extramarital affair is not the issue, since his wife already knows about it, but it’s their children he is most worried about. He is afraid to leave the marriage for fear of what it might do to their children. His father had an extramarital affair and as his son he had to bear the pain of it. He doesn’t want his children to go through the same. But he won’t let go of her either, she says. He works abroad and they meet once or twice a year. The relationship isn’t making any sense to her, she says.

Our counsellor Deepak Kashyap advises her to remember her own purpose and ask herself a few questions. One, what does she want her romantic life to look like 3 years from now? Two, does she want a family? Three, will her unstable relationships bring her any closer to her personal goals? He advises her not to rely on her emotions alone to make a decision. As adults we all have to make some hard choices. We might not like them, but have to do it anyway because it makes sense in the long term. Deepak says if he were in her place, he would choose to be with someone who is free and willing to live with him.

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