How to make the best of sex during your 30s?

Stotropama Mukherjee
sex in 30s

If you thought sex does not get better with age, I bet you are wrong. Many of us have succumbed to the rumour that sex is anything but boring, especially in a committed relationship after you hit the 30s. From what I could gather talking to my women-friends, the common perception is that sex may be exciting and impulsive in the 20s, but it gets to being a ‘chore’ in the 30s.

From the twirling 20s to the thriving 30s, there are obvious changes in sex patterns and expectations. Excitement gives way to familiarity, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s any less good. When 20 turns 30, do not fear, sex is better with experienced years.

How is sex in your 30s different from sex in your 20s?

The thirties can well be dirty! As you gain better (and deeper) knowledge of yourself and what pleases you, sex becomes more assuring, enjoyable and you experience a heightened sense of satisfaction. This so happens because-

  • Once you cross the threshold of 30, quality becomes more important than quantity, even in the context of sex
  • Eagerness for sex is now replaced with desire and value for sex. You care less about impressing your partner and more about the overall pleasure
  • You have done your experiments in your 20s, explored every curiosity and now the adventure is of a different kind
  • Now you know in your mind what your body needs and wants, and now you clearly go for it. You become more vocal and open to express your desires
  • The number of times or changes in partners may not be that frequent in your 30s, but when it happens it tends to reach the desired climax almost all the time

How does women’s sex drive change in the 30s?

The myth goes, woman’s libido ebbs with age; nothing could be further from the truth. The fact is that a woman’s sexual desire has always been frowned upon and by the time you are 30, you are expected to perform other duties, other roles, of being a wife, a mother, a daughter-in-law, a professional. Sex and keeping your body toned takes a backseat. But this should not be the case because:

  • First, your body is attuned with your senses
  • Now you know exactly what you need
  • You are in control of your period cycles
  • You have worked out your concerns about contraceptives

Research suggests that women in their 30s and 40s have a higher sex drive then in their 20s. They also seem to have intense sexual fantasies, and many women this age crave fun and casual sex too. While on the other hand, women in their 30s generally look for familiarity and comfort during sex and also have more orgasms. Women are more secure with known partners who are accustomed with their routine and have been known to provide ultimate pleasure. Again, dissatisfaction with familiarity may lead women to look for new partners, because, being aware of their desire, by this time, women also know what they do not want.

A woman’s sex drive generally takes a backseat after menopause.

women sex drive 30s

How does men’s sex drive change in the 30s?

Testosterone begins to slowly decline in men, and the libido goes down. The mystery is over; and familiarity, which becomes the cornerstone of women’s sex drive in the 30s, becomes irksome for men and we can observe in men an early onset of mid-life crisis. The rat race of life is somewhat under control, job and relationship secured but now men start to think, “Is that all?” Thus they try to make up for the time they lost in trying to excel in life. This can be observed in 90% of the men in their 30s, seen by their interest in flashier cars, brighter colours and newer partners. This is to validate their value to themselves. But there are, of course, differences:

  • All night party at 20s vs. calling it a night by 12 at 30s
  • Less obsession with sex and the female body
  • Spontaneous casual hook-ups vs. time consuming love making
  • Seeking for temporary fix vs. sound communication with partners
  • Instant chemistry vs. stronger bonds based on commonalities
  • Sexual stamina vs. sexual confidence

Men are often seen to step out of their relationships to embark on one last adventure. But for those who stay in, not out, try to spice up their sex life with new routine and toys. Change of space or scanty lingerie may work better in keeping them hooked to a familiar partner.

mens sex drive 30s

Positions that should be tried during your 30s

Adventure, not experiment, is the key for satisfactory sex in your 30s. Here are some suitable positions

  • The Padlock: Surprise your partner with spontaneous sex on the table or a kitchen counter. Try leaning back, supporting your body with your arms, while the man stands in front of you, padlocked by your legs
  • The Reverse Cowboy: Women who know what they want can take charge in this position. Ride your man while his hands are free to stroke your back or grab your arse
  • The Kneel: You seat face to face, on his lap, wrapping each other in an intimate embrace. This allows you to kiss each other during sex and also the most skin-to-skin contact
  • The Zen Pause: Turn spooning into sex by turning to face your partner. Lift a leg to wrap around your partner’s waist for better access. The mornings will never be the same again

How often to have sex when you are in your 30s

Life is busy and fully scheduled in your 30s. Duties in both professional and personal life occupy almost all the available time. Alone times are precious and sparse. But don’t let this create monotony. Sex is important in life for your emotional sustenance. Here are a few tips for keeping it fun and energising:

  1. Don’t reserve ‘sex-time’ for date nights and weekends. More than anything, you should look to break the pattern and look for adventure
  2. Be spontaneous in seeking out breaks to have sex. Surprise your partner in unusual times and don’t keep things restricted to the bedroom
  3. If you can’t keep your eyes open after a whole day of work, have sex in the morning: Rather than tiring you out, it will help you get a fresh start to the day
  4. You have your own place by the time you are 30, so no more sneaking around your parents or flatmates. Own every inch of your home, have sex in the kitchen or in the bathroom
  5. Now that you know your bodies and your desires, it is a good time to introduce toys into the play

Have it in your own time and place. Sex has been and always will be for pleasure among us humans. And it should always get better and hotter.

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