So, what you could never imagine happening, has finally happened – you’re caught in the act and by none other than your child! Embarrassing? Sure it is! But since it has happened, there’s no point being hard on yourself or on your partner. Yes, either of you could have been more responsible and made sure the door is locked! But it has happened and what’s important now is how you deal with it.
Here are a few tips for you that will work in the best interest of you and your kid.
First and foremost, you and your partner need to accept that it has happened and you now need to deal with the issue at hand as a team. No point playing the blame game (you could’ve locked the door, or it was your idea to get jiggy at this unusual hour or you should checked that the kids were asleep before jumping on me… etc., etc.)
Now, if your child is a toddler, she could be so confused that she might end up crying or running away. She might think you are fighting or something like that. In such a situation, pull in your little one (after dressing, of course) and make her feel comfortable. Assure her that no one was hurt. Explain it to her that it was just Mummy-Daddy’s special moment.
Explain it to her that it was just Mummy-Daddy’s special moment.
Don’t underestimate the power of communication. No matter how young your child is, you must communicate. But do choose your words wisely. If your child is not a toddler, but somewhere around 5-6 years, he could end being very curious after seeing you and your partner on top of each other or whatever position you were in. He might start giggling too, and might feel tempted to announce it to the world. Now before that happens, you need to talk to your child.
Keep it simple
In some cases, the child might be far from amused and refuse to talk about it. You need to be patient and explain to him that it’s just the ‘adult’ way of loving one another. If yours is a curious one, perhaps it’s time for the impending birds and bees talk. Even if you are uncomfortable, you have to do it. There’s simply no alternative to it. However, you don’t need to get into the nitty-gritty details of sex. Those the kids will eventually figure out on their own, when it’s time.
Don’t ignore or avoid it
If you avoid the whole episode or ignore the repercussions, don’t assume that your kiddo is well past it. The whole act is bound to lurk in your child’s mind. If it was your pre-teen/teenager who walked in, well, it’s even more embarrassing. By this age, they might have a fair idea about sexual relations. He or she might be disgusted and choose not to talk in the beginning. In that case, you need to give space, but after a day or so, remember to take the first step and apologise. Yes, ‘sorry’ works in such a situation.
Don’t lose your calm
I know it’s easier said than done! But you really need to stay composed. If your kid needs time to talk, give her the time. But behave normally and be very confident. Try not to make sex a taboo, as it might only lead to perverse acts or negative assumptions.
Related reading: How often do married couples have sex?
This is a good time to set rules. “Always knock before entering the room.” But of course, the rule is applicable both ways. Kids are way smarter these days, so one-way rules will hardly work.
Don’t prolong the incident
Try to get back to normal as fast as possible. Neither do you have to go on talking about it or apologising, nor you need to showcase your discomfort. Trust me, more than you, your child wants to dismiss the vision of her parents in a compromising position, ASAP. Maintain the regular family equation that you share with your partner and your kids.
Maintain the regular family equation that you share with your partner and your kids.
Stay sex positive
The memory of your child catching you when you were making love can be a long-term libido killer, but hey, it’s only human to make mistakes. Don’t let the whole incident ruin the intimacy or dim the spark between you and your partner. Put it behind you and just be extra cautious, henceforth. Neither party would want to experience it once again.
Remember, your kids are not traumatised by walking in on you; it’s just a phase and they will be OK! Really! Have faith and carry on!