A long-distance marriage is not a new phenomenon, and the statistics (about 99.5% of long-distance marriages don’t work) may be daunting. But there are couples, who strike the balance and are making the marriage work. Whether they have taken the decision to live separately for careers or for the education of a child, these couples remain committed to their spouses.
Dr Nidhi Shendurnikar, Independent Researcher & Peace Builder from Ahmedabad is married to Tushar, a journalist working in Vadodara, for five years. Narrating her experience she says, “A long-distance marriage can be a revealing experience in itself for the couple since it requires them to both live with and without each other. For me, I have learned to manage my life independently in a new city while still caring, sharing as part of the marital relationship.”
Women no longer have to quit their jobs or curtail their professional ambitions after marriage. Men are willing to give their better halves, space and freedom to follow their dreams and accomplish them without any restriction of place or time. Urban couples are opening up to the idea of staying in different cities, yet keeping the flame of love and togetherness alive, as well as burning.
In an identical circumstance, are Dr Shilpa Tiwari, a gynaecologist and her journalist husband, Avinash. While Shilpa is working in Bhopal, her husband is based in Delhi. Shilpa moved with her daughter as she was not keen to raise her child in Delhi and since Avinash hails from Bhopal, it was easier for them to take that call.
“It has been three years now that we are living in two different cities. A lot of credit goes to my husband who gave me the support and confidence to live independently,” she says.
Aman Shah lives in Baroda while her husband Kartik Shah is working in Jaipur. Married for six years, he says, “It was a bitter pill to swallow when I decided to move to another city for work while my wife stayed with my parents. We had to make this sacrifice in order to build a bright future for the entire family.”
Shilpa runs her house in Bhopal individually and wanted to manage the finances. “My husband was open to the idea and is happy the way I have managed my life, house and most importantly our daughter, despite staying apart. He comes once or twice a month and I look forward to sharing a cup of coffee, as well as enjoying his presence in the house.”
“Love matures and becomes wise as distance keeps you apart” – Dr. Nidhi Shendurnikar
According to Shilpa, trust and communication are the two important things that keep a long-distance relationship going.
Related reading: Seven things that keep a relationship going
“It is tough to live apart. But the beauty of such a relationship is that you value every minute spent with your better half. For me when he comes home, we do not head to a mall or movie. Instead, we talk such conversations mean a lot and are much more special,” she adds.
Kartik does miss his wife when he comes home. “There are times when you want to share your office problems and her absence irks. But then she is just a call away. There are challenges we face as a long-distance married couple. Thankfully, my wife’s caring nature and the way she manages to look after my parents as well as handle crisis, makes me very proud of her. We have managed to strike a balance and enjoy togetherness even with this distance between us,” shares.
While Nidhi also feels that distances can be detrimental, she believes that if one is able to manage the essence of a relationship while staying apart, one has truly experienced companionship. “I have come to realise the value of little things that Tushar does for me, the magic that his presence means in the course of staying apart. Though I would like to live together as soon as possible, I must admit that the process of staying apart has taught me a lot in life, something which no other experience can offer me,” she says.