“Many people get married for the wrong reasons” – Sajid Khan

Kabir Singh Bhandari

The essential ingredients you look for in your dream woman?

The truth is that when you dream, there are no limits to your dreams. But real life is very different. There is a difference between your theoretical dreams and practicality. In fact, most men get their dream woman, but then they dream of others! For me, no matter how the woman looks, there should be a degree of patience – in the sense, she should be able to be patient with me.

It’s also important that she has a sense of humour which gels with mine. All the women I was in relationships with earlier, I’ve been able to make them laugh! And I’m not saying that they should be comedians to make me laugh, but I would want my woman to understand and reciprocate the quirkiness.

Thirdly, we both should be able to watch movies with each other without pretending. You see, I was in a relationship where every week I had to watch the movie Bridesmaid with the girl because it was her favourite movie. It’s not something I wanted to do but I had to! I had to pretend to enjoy Masterchef while watching it with her, though I would have preferred to eat those dishes rather than see how they were prepared!

Balance is integral to a relationship. The moment this balance is upset; you will start to see cracks developing between the two individuals.  When I see myself, 10 years ago I was not a good boyfriend. But now, and I’m 44, I know I will handle a relationship better.

How would Sajid Khan get over a breakup?

Like I always have! My first breakup was when I was 20 and I had been in a serious relationship with the girl for three years. It was my sister who begged, borrowed and somehow managed to gift me a Sharp Hi5 VCR – very popular in those days. It’s that VCR which really saved me – it strangely became the love of my life. I was either watching movies endlessly on the VCR, or covering it with a cloth or cleaning its head with Dettol.

Fast forward to 2003 – I was engaged for over a year to a girl, but then we broke up. I still remember dropping her off at her house after we met for the last time; it was six pm on a Friday. Driving back, I didn’t know what I was going to do, and then it struck me. I just drove to PVR and zombie-walked for the evening show of Kill Bill. In 20 minutes, I had started to feel better.

I believe the best way to get over a breakup is to either start dating someone else immediately, or find a passion to pursue. It could be gardening, it could be exercise, it could be anything. But you need to be passionate about it. You see love is a very selfish emotion – you don’t really love her. You love yourself loving her. Love is one of the greatest mysteries of life just like the twilight zone. I have never hurt a girl physically. I believe if you really do want to hurt a girl, do it by making them feel your absence in their life. That is very powerful.

Your view on one-night stands.

They’re fun! They’re nice! What is important is that there should be mutual consent between both individuals. Also the issue is really not about one night stands.  It’s about sex, which is probably the most overrated thing of the 20thcentury. Sex is beautiful, but we mix up our connections. The problem is that we start loving with our groin, thinking with our heart and hence get messed up in the brains.

Is marriage still an institution?

You see marriage is society’s approval of two individuals living together. And no matter what we may say, like, damn the society, but the truth is, we live in a society and we need to remember that. At the same time, of course, I feel marriage is overrated, and also since many people get married because of the wrong reasons. There are many times I have come really close to getting married, but I guess better sense prevailed in me or the girl.

When was the last time you went on a date?

Two days back.

Are Bollywood breakups harder to get over?

Yes. Primarily because Bollywood is a very close knit industry. When you attend events which the other person is also attending it becomes awkward. Not because of you, but because of the people around you who make it awkward for you.

What would you say was one relationship mistake of your life? And what are the relationship lessons you learnt?

When I was in my 30s, I was dating this girl on whom I cheated many times. Obviously, when she found out, she was heartbroken. I cheated not because I didn’t love her, but because I was a bastard. But post that, I decided that I would never cheat again.

The biggest challenge you faced in a relationship…

The biggest challenge one faces in a relationship is how to keep the girl interested in you after three to five months of the relationship. Because after spending so much time together, rigor mortis sets into a relationship. Peace and tranquility are very important. And when I get that by going home to the girl rather than away from her, I’ll think of getting married.

Is Sajid Khan possessive?

There is a very thin line between being caring and possessive. If I am watching a movie with a girl at my home and I drop her back to her house after that, I am being caring. But if I continuously ask her where is she going, why was her phone engaged? Where is she right now? Then that is happening out of insecurity. It is the men who give their women reasons to leave them because of the things they do. You see, a woman needs a reason to cheat on a man, while men only need a room. There are various sections of the media which had tainted me as being possessive, but I have never been a possessive boyfriend.

I’m in a long distance relationship with an older married woman, but is it love?

“We’re in lust, not love,” she said

I had a Crush On An Older Woman and It Changed Me

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