Getting married and staying married...Tete-a-tete with Jammy and Rekha

From differences to fights, and the ever evolving nature of relationships, the couple learn to deal with all, and now is the chance to ask them questions!

Raksha Bharadia | Posted on 06 Jun 2016
Jamshed V Rajan Interview | The Secret To A Good Marriage | Bonobology
(Read the first part of the interview here)
 
So tell me Rekha, that this part of him that is casual, the laid-back attitude – tell me what are the positives of this? How do you make peace with it?
 
Rekha – The truth is that it makes me feel very happy and authoritative. Right now, I have left my job and I used to feel that I don’t contribute anything. But now when I do this kind of job at home, it kind of compensates for the fact that I’m not working outside. By nature I plan and organize things all the time so it wasn’t like an extra work that I was doing. I guess I just learnt to live with his casual approach to life.
We do fight often, mostly about small issues – something that I might have reminded him twenty times for and he wouldn’t have done it. Or something he expects me to agree to but I wouldn’t. But we both realized that it is better to not talk to each other when we are angry. We don’t fight or talk to each other when we are angry and we don’t go to bed ever without sorting it out on the same night. There was a time when we slept late – 1 or 2 am in the morning because it took that much time for us to say sorry to each other. This is a rule we stick to even today – after 11 years of marriage. 
Jamshed – We made that rule the day we got married and we haven’t broken it yet. Usually it is I, who has to give in.
Rekha – We give each other a lot of space.
 
Have you ever checked each other’s email or SMSes?
Rekha – Fortunately for me and unfortunately for him, whenever there is an email or something from his ex-flings, it would always be open on the computer.
Jamshed – Twice or thrice it has happened.
Rekha – I get very irritated with all of this and talk to him about it. Actually once on his birthday, I delivered him a bunch of roses, and he gave away all the roses one by one to the other girls in the office. He did it even as I watched him, standing right next to him.
 
Why did he do that?
Rekha – That is how he was. Very casual. Now he has changed a lot.
 
What I see here, is that your relationship started as work partners, then as deep friendship and then love, resulting in marriage. So tell me how has the marriage been like for 11 years. How has your relationship changed?
Jamshed – For this, I need to go a little further back, to a time before we were married. As I said, I used to think that I was a really cool dude, a stud kind of a guy. So she proposed to me and I was like nothing doing…I am not going to marry you. I did not have any girlfriend at that time, but I was proposing to all the girls around me. In fact, everybody used to know whom I was proposing to and when. After I refused, she told her parents to start looking for a guy for her.
Rekha – I used to feel bad that he didn’t feel anything for me, but it was okay. I did not want to push things if he was not in love.
 
(To be continued…)

 

 

Raksha Bharadia

Raksha Bharadia is a writer and editor. She has authored three books published by Rupa & Co. She has put together 13 titles in the Chicken Soup for the Indian Soul series for Westland. She has also worked as a scriptwriter with Star Plus. She has been a columnist for Femina, Ahmedabad Mirror, and DNA, Ahmedabad. Raksha has taught creative writing for a Master’s Program at CEPT, Ahmedabad. Bonobology.com is Raksha’s first significant foray in the digital space.

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