Question:
Dear Ma’am,
I am a married woman who is studying now. I met a guy in my college who is also married. We used to exchange glances at the beginning, but later he began to text me. We began to talk on the phone at night.
Unknowingly we both started developing feelings for each other and have fallen in love. Though we both are married, we don’t love our partners… we want to stay together but not knowing how to. Can you suggest anything?
Related reading: Effect of an extramarital affair on the partner
Mallika Pathak says:
Dear Lady,
Congratulations on deciding to study post marriage. That’s a great decision that will benefit you in your future life.
Regarding your query, I understand it’s confusing to experience this situation at this stage in your life. My first question to you, are the differences between you and your husband, issues that you can work through?
Considering that you’re married, my primary recommendation would be to end the extramarital relationship and to try and work on your marriage. Talk things over, try marriage counselling. If you feel that the issues that you have in your marriage cannot be solved, even with the intervention of a professional, then you may look into legal separation .
After that has happened you could proceed further with your relationship with the said guy.
Continuing your marriage and also feeding the extramarital affair, will only spell out trouble for you in the long run. Sometimes, we find the right person at the wrong time, but that doesn’t make it OK for us to do something that has the potential to harm us and the people around us. I would recommend, introspection of your marriage and it’s issues.
Also, till the time you’re trying to achieve that clarity in your marriage, try and reduce the late night calls and texting. You need some time to gain perspective on the relationship status and that will be accelerated by considering distancing yourself from the other man.
Considering undertaking therapy, a professional perspective will greatly benefit you.
Best,
Mallika
