Quick Bites

Mean things we do or say to our loved ones in the name of love

The more time you spend in a relationship, higher are the chances of you hurting your beloved!
farhan and vidya balan

Being mean in the name of love

Love, as sweet as it may sound, is a combination of sweet and bitter experiences. The person you love the most holds to power to give you immense joy and pleasure, conversely he/she also can be the cause of deep hurt, sorrow and pain. It is logical when someone who doesn’t love you says or does mean and cruel things, however, it is a little hard to digest that a couple who is in love, can also do the same to one another.

1. I hate you like I love you

“If you do not make Rs. 2 lakhs per month, expect a notice of divorce”, said Sushant’s wife when his business collapsed and they were struggling with their finances. His wife is a homemaker but belongs to a wealthy and well educated family. Today, Sushant has started a new business which is very successful and he may not be making 2 lakhs per month but slightly more than half of that amount. I asked Sushant’s wife about what she meant when she threatened to leave him and she said, “It was my love for him, which forced me to say such a mean thing to him. If I would not have, he would not have worked towards getting back on track. I know it was harsh, but again I always tell him, I hate you like I love you”. She seems to have taken inspiration from Aamir Khan’s Delhi Belly.

abusive-husband
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2. I cook my favourite dish and say it’s healthy

My partner loves to eat, unfortunately all the unhealthy stuff. This may not be really as mean, but when I make sprouts at home, he does not eat them. What’s worse, I do not let him order anything else nor do I let him cook anything else and that is the only thing I make. Another secret to share is that I love to eat boiled sprouts with curd. I couldn’t help but wonder, if this is my love for him or is it cruel to let him be hungry? Perhaps, the reader can help me answer this.

Read more: 9 things to make a man stay madly in love with you
Read more: Here’s how to make sure that your gestures in love are understood

3. Wake him up to spend time with him

Who does not like to sleep? On an average we spend 34% of the time in our entire life, sleeping. My partner and I are no exceptions to this. He works UK shift and I have a 10 to 5 kind of a job. So it is evident, that I sleep early and wake up early. Sadly, my partner sleeps late but I wake him up early to spend time with me sipping coffee together in the morning. If he does not wake up, then I start vacuuming the house. Owing to the noise he eventually wakes up. I feel his pain, but that is the only time I can spend with him. My partner is now used to this routine and hence has become immune to it. Other couples, watch out!

quick bite

4. I intrude on his privacy by checking his phone

Some things are always private, even when you are in a relationship. For example, the time you spend on the WC with your phone is only yours. You do not want to be bothered, right? Because I love my partner so much, I am also very inquisitive to find out who he chats with, what does he read or see on the internet. In the process, I have made him feel bad about it. He feels I do not trust him but it’s almost like an OCD for me. Men and women both need to respect and trust each other in a relationship. This is an experience that you can learn from and avoid hurting your partner.

lady checking phone and texting
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5. Blamed her for ruining my life

Every time we have a fight and he gets frustrated and upset, he says to me in Hindi, “meri life barbaad kar di hain tumne” which translates into “you’ve ruined my whole life”. As cruel and mean as it may sound in the beginning, after 5 years of being in a committed relationship, I have understood the hidden message. My partner cannot imagine his life without me and when he gets irritated with me, he thinks that he has to deal with me for the rest of his life and hence accuses me of having ruined his peace. In the initial few years of our relationship, I would get hurt and start crying, for ruining his life was the last thing on my agenda, yet he said it every time we had arguments. Today, I have learnt to read between the lines, but for many this can be a serious accusation.

Together because of love, or because it’s habitual and easy?

Osho on love as a disease and meditation as medicine

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