How do you decide if she’s “THE” one to marry?
The decision to marry someone is far bigger than dating someone or even moving in with someone. I’m not trying to suggest that couples don’t have real commitment until they are married, but marriage brings with it a lot of baggage that changes the way in which the relationship is looked at. From merging of the assets to becoming legal partners to the public display of commitment – often called a ‘wedding’, marriage is a big deal.
How did we get here?
How we arrive at the decision can hold secrets to our lives, and our personalities. It can show us what we value in our lives. It can also give us wonderful anecdotes that can make us believe in love again.
We asked a few men ‘Why did you decide to marry the woman who is your wife?’ and these were the answers we got.
We were together for a long time
It was odd. We were dating for almost seven years and at this point, of our family and friends had started dropping the M word, either while joking or in the middle of a serious conversation. We knew we were headed together wherever we went in life, so it seemed natural to get married. It wasn’t any specific reason. I loved her and she loved me and that was enough.
When she and my best friend made a deal
It was when I heard her and my best friend talk about me. We were drunk at a house party, and I was trying to sleep. She and my best friend were talking about who loved me more and she said something like, ‘I’m not trying to take him away from you, bro! He’s your person. He’s my boyfriend. We are both equally important to him I think. And we have to make our peace with that. I’m willing to share if you are?’. I was too drunk to remember the rest, but this dialogue stayed with me even after I sobered up. I knew I was going to marry this woman then.
Related reading: Decoding the Bro Code
When she defended me against my own family
We were at this family dinner at my place, and things always get intense at those. We are a big bunch of highly opinionated people so we always get into arguments and sometimes they get personal. So this one time, my wife – then girlfriend – was invited by my mother for this dinner, along with a couple of other friends. My mother knew we were together, but most of the family didn’t. Now, this aunt of mine said something condescending to me, and my girlfriend, politely yet assertively, took my side. The way she stood up for me was so natural. It wasn’t like she was trying to suck up to me or impress me, it was loyalty.
The way she stood up for me was so natural. It wasn’t like she was trying to suck up to me or impress me, it was loyalty.
Three weeks later I proposed.
Our political ideologies matched
We both came from different cities and our families weren’t similar. However, our political views matched and that was important for me. I’d studied and educated myself before forming my opinions and she had too. I found her well-informed opinions sexy. I know it sounds drab, but I feel like our politics is representative of who we are as people and our morals. So it was important to me that we see eye to eye on the core issues. We did, and that’s when I knew.
We were already a part of each other’s families
We were young when we began dating and were dating for a long time before we got married. In that time, my then girlfriend had become a part of my family. My mom would include her in festivities. She picked up my brother from his tuitions sometimes. I used to help her father out with repairs and stuff. We were a part of each other’s family lives even before we got married. I didn’t think this was odd, or even good. Just that it was the way relationships worked. It wasn’t until my elder sister pointed it out to me one day, that I began to appreciate my relationship. I think it was then that I kind of admitted to myself what I feel I already knew. She was the one.
Tragedy provided clarity
It was the 26 July 2005 floods that happened in Mumbai. I know, a tragedy that helped me find clarity somehow. We had just been casually seeing each other and when the flooding happened, all forms of communication were shut for a while. It was the longest few hours of my life. I couldn’t reach her, and I couldn’t do anything. I felt so helpless. When I did reach her, I started crying on the phone call. I never cry, ever, so that freaked me out! I knew then that I wasn’t going to be able to live without her or at least not without knowing that she was safe. Such scary experiences give you crystal clarity later in my opinion, and it was crystal clear to me. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl.