I am not against men and neither a feminist. But all the men that I have come across in my life have mostly given me tough lessons. These men include my colleagues, friends, my Ex my father and acquaintances. All of them have one thing in common that they all love to take charge of you and suggestions from them come freely and mostly without asking for it. All men love to be protective of the women in their life and love to take decisions on their behalf. All is good but some times they forget that women are humans first with equally logical brains and emotional heart and later are the number of titles society gives them. Men find it difficult to digest if a woman is too independent in her thinking, takes the complete onus of her life and does not treat them above or beneath her. In short if she is like them. Men will appreciate these qualities on a platform that gets them the tag of being liberal but when it comes to ground reality the equations are completely different.
Some encounters that I have had are if I am polite, they think I am timid, If I am emotional then I am living in my past and don’t use my sensibilities, If I am practical then I have been tagged as heartless and if I stuck to my love I was tagged clingy. If I dress up well then I am trying to impress and if I laugh while talking then I am available. These were the experiences from all categories of men. Friends keep giving advice, acquaintances in the name of having third eye perspective always try to criticise, and boy-friends expect you to change your mood as per their convenience. If they are confused about their own life they will ask you to move on but will always make sure they keep their presence felt. No matter how much you try to mend a relation, there is always this ego that plays in their head. I am doing pretty well in my career but I remember when I got my university result and didn’t have an impressive grade-card, my father simply said I can do whatever I want to with my life simply because it didn’t satisfy his ego.
Years ago when a constant comparison with his mother and sister became unbearable and I retaliated, my ex boyfriend said I was too much to handle and didn’t fit in. When I expected togetherness in a long distance relationship, I was told that it’s too much of an expectation. When I asked for suggestion from one of my acquaintances considering it would be unbiased, I was told that I should forget the very person I am in love with and to my horror I was suggested not to stalk him. Really …? When a woman responds to a message in a troubled relationship she is not stalking. She is trying to understand the perspective. Men are great with logic but when it comes to reading between the lines they do a miserable job. They look at life as black or white where in life is mostly all shades of grey. Men need to work in this area. Women take time to commit to anything but once they do, they sail through where as men whom I met were fast in commitment but fizzled out the moment pressure from other factors played in. That is the reason it does not take much from a woman when she has to choose between her family and career. If she can handle both, she manages but if time demands otherwise she does not hesitate to compromise with her career. it’s never an ego issue for her. I don’t say all women are alike but most are. Men are appreciative of this but it’s not possible for them to take such decision with so much ease. Men express their love physically but women still prefer the emotional connect to Physical. This may come as some comparison between men and women but mostly the point is men are wonderful, they love to be loving and caring but will be most unreasonable at some crucial stages. They make efforts to bring joy in life but will be most unpredictable at times when you want them to express and share things. They look up to women for understanding their point but will be quick to say that they don’t understand women and rule out the first possibility of making any such effort. I have learnt number of lessons some bitter and some great from men in my life. I also have my wonderful memories with them. But I realise, no matter how much you try to understand what’s going on in their mind the only answer you get is don’t try to understand them, just appreciate them love them or leave them because men will be men after all.