(To be read in an upper class British voice, preferably in the accent and tone of Sir David Attenborough.)
Dear human beings!
I hope you are doing fine, etc.
This year on International Cat Day, we cats have decided to break our silence on centuries of bad press that we and our loved ones have been getting. We are generally not partial to display any kind of emotions (except contempt) but now we have reached the end of our tether. We’re always appalled by preposterous things you have been saying and writing about our kind and the ladies who love us.
We made our final decision after seeing frequently this odd set of people, who you call celebrities, who are writing open letters about every tiny thing they supposedly suffer from.