These are some mistakes you should avoid making in bed

Sohini Sengupta
man and woman with book in bed

Avoid making these mistakes during sex

There is no right or wrong way to make love. It should be an organic course of physical communication. When you are attracted, when you are in love, your body knows how to please and be pleased. Our social conditioning has created stigmas and bound the heterosexual couples to follow certain unspoken manners. Yes, having been brainwashed into the idea of what amounts to a perfect session, we need to consciously break conventions. Try letting go of the role you think you need to perform to perfection and let your senses guide you.

Here are six mistakes that you can avoid making:

1. Consent

Yes, that is a mistake we have been making too often. Consent and not having it has a flimsy divide. So, do not assume. If she has looked at you with some heat, blushed at your touch; if you have felt him kiss you back, noticed the hint of a boner, don’t assume. Our bodies react sometimes even when our minds are not ready to commit. It is often implied that asking for consent is breaking the instinctive romance of the moment. Know that the question is not to be blamed but your inability to make it romantic. Learn to ask and back off at a “no”. You can’t imagine the rush when you hear the word “yes”.

(Mind you, we often associate the idea of consent with women. Please know that ‘a man thinks with his penis’ is also a myth… So ask him too.)

2. Foreplay is over-rated

Rather it needs more attention than you figured. Having been brought up with a mixture of heavily censored Indian films and pornographic hyper realism (garnished with white skin fantasies) our sexual expectation and performance have a rather confused identity. The body is indeed a wonderland, but we often tend to get carried away by the heavily sexualised parts, thanks to the heteronormative media. The breasts are indeed fun but did you ever try to explore the unattended parts? Like the hollow of her neck, the underside of her knees, the small of her back… you get the drift.

Having said that, my dear women, please go ahead and enjoy his body too. It is a two-way process. Before you go south, navigate through his body and get surprised by his response.

(Note: Build your climax, but don’t stretch it to the point of exhausting yourselves.)

3. But is that not what is expected?

Yes, oral sex can give you heights of pleasure that sometimes even intercourse cannot. But know that one neither owes him anything, nor her. Receiving oral pleasure is extremely enjoyable, as is generally agreed upon by both sexes. But performing it might not be pleasurable for some. Please do not make yourself uncomfortable just to satisfy your partner. Often personal hygiene comes in the way of oral pleasure. You definitely don’t want your olfactory system near such poorly maintained private parts. Try keeping them healthy for your own sake and your partner’s.

(Note: It is just not your privates, but make sure you scrub yourself clean. It is always nice to see the effort when your partner does their best to make you comfortable.)

Related reading: Is it safe to have sex with UTIs?

4. Going skin on skin

Easy cowboy, my gynaecologist has a few things to say about your “finishing outside” skills. Please understand that I know one wants no barriers in bed, but unfortunately a flimsy bit of plastic is a must. Especially with casual sex, when you do not have each other’s medical history checked, please take memories and not STDs from the experience. You can enjoy better without the question “what if” lingering at the back of your head.

5. I don’t need protection

If you are not trying to conceive, please use protection. Did you know the little swimmers have been accused of pre-cum pregnancy? Yes, you heard that right. Even a condom cannot give you a foolproof guarantee, why rely on your confidence? It would be a more relaxed experience without having to stress about withdrawing.

(Also women, stop counting days for the safe window in your cycle. Let me burst your bubble, it is not that safe.)

6. It is not gross to have sex while she is on her periods

Kudos! You have successfully overcome the stigma around sex during menstruation. Taking into account the crazy hormones and lack of lubricant needs, the act can be highly enjoyable during this time, but it is suggested that you only perform safe sex during this time. There is a high chance of contracting infection because the vagina is in a vulnerable situation during this period. Now, please go ahead and break the taboo.

Related reading: What are the best contraceptives for newly married couples?

7. Checked the to-do list

Having just jotted down a list, let me tell you that we often forget to enjoy amidst checking off the to-do list in bed. But the sensory experience of sex relies on your primal instincts. Submission and domination are not gender roles, but individual instincts (for that matter you might just match each other’s drive).

Do note that while going by your instinct your adventures should not try to exceed your athletic capabilities. Accept the limits of each other’s body and enjoy.

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1 comment

Sneha Gupta
Sneha Gupta June 1, 2018 - 2:09 pm

It’s really important to pay attention to your bedroom habits as nothing can sour a relationship more quickly than crossing boundaries in the bedroom or having a completely unsatisfying sex life.

And, yes we should not pressurize ourselves that we need to be perfect in bed and we try to search those activities that will lead to a perfect session but it’s not so. We just need to be ourselves and let the session go, I am sure this will more enjoyable and exciting! There aren’t any specific rules or conditions to have sex! Just go with the flow!

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